


Within Numbered Days

by BeignetBenny



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Artist Gabriel, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of past abuse, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3413375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeignetBenny/pseuds/BeignetBenny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam felt as though his whole life was defined by numbers. He was running on borrowed time, and he knew it. He actually felt like he could hear the smallest tick of a clock every time he coughed, had a dizzy spell, or had trouble breathing. He want the suffering to end. Hell, he wanted it all to be over, but he was too scared to let go.<br/>Gabriel, on the other hand, was doing perfectly fine. He was an artist in New York, had a rich father and a nice apartment, but he always felt like something was missing. It couldn’t be love, he swore off that years ago, but it was definitely something.<br/>Even though they lived on opposite sides of the country, Sam and Gabriel still managed to come together, Sam spending his last days with Gabriel, and Gabriel finally filling that hole in his life with Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's finally time. Here is my Sabriel big bang. I've been waiting so long and I hope you all enjoy, once all of it is up on here, it will also be cross posted to my tumblr (beignetbenny) and livejournal (Waywardwriter02)  
> Beta read by: Iregretmyurl  
> Art by: lizellysking  
> Also, if you like listening to music while you read, I've made a little playlist. It is Titled "Within Numbered Days" and can be found on 8tracks in the SGBB tag  
> One Song Glory: Introduction  
> Learn to Fly - Paper Aeroplane: Chapter 1  
> I'll Cover You - Happy Little Pill: Chapter 2  
> Do I Wanna Know - Chandelier: Chapter 3  
> Snow in Newark - I and Love and You: Chapter 4  
> Carousel - I'll Cover you Reprise: Chapter 5  
> The Story: Epilougue

Of _course_ the news was devastating. Sam sat on the hospital bed in Edlund Medical Center. The place had become far too familiar to him. All the doctors knew him. Hell, they knew him better than Sam knew himself. “You’re a fighter, Sam. I’ll admit that,” his doctor said as she sat down on his chair in front of him. “I really wish I could say something else…”

“So, I’m guessing going back on chemo is out of the question,” Sam said, his voice shaking as he subconsciously began to adjust the black beanie he wore.

“I think your PET scan answers that question, buddy. We just think it would be better for you if you just… wait it out.”

Wait it out. The words played over in Sam’s mind over and over as his doctor continued talking. What has it been? Three years since he learned about the goddamn cancer cells. 2 years since he’s been pulled out of school and his dream of being a lawyer was wiped away as if it never existed. 1 year since his older brother moved in with him because nobody thought Sam could live on his own. 6 months since the cells really began spreading. 3 months since they took him off chemo. And now, 1 month to live… give or take.

Sam’s whole life was now all based on statistics. He’s not even known as Sam Winchester anymore. He’s known as Stage IV acute lymphocytic leukemia patient. Age 24. Patient number- “Sir?” The doctor snapped in front of Sam’s face to catch his attention again. “Are you alright?”

Sam nodded and got off the bed, the quick motion made his head feel like it was beginning to spin, and his sight went blotchy. But it didn’t bother him. Honestly, this had begun to happen every time he stood up quicker than he should have, nowadays. So it didn’t bother him. “May I go now?” The doctor nodded, and before he had the chance to say anything else, Sam picked up his laptop bag and left quickly.

A few doctors noticed Sam’s quick pace. Some had stopped him and told him that he should probably conserve his energy. Of course they would. They’d seen him at least once a month for the past three years. They know him. They know how he acts when nervous. They know how easily Sam can run himself down. They also know about the time that he ended up having a seizure on the hospital floor.

The bright, February, sun almost blinded Sam as he stepped outside. He winced and looked down at the concrete, trying to get his bearings again, his headache feeling like it was worsening ever so slightly because of the light. He began to dig around in his bag to find his phone, but before he had the chance to even get it out, a classic rock song and the sound of an engine revving signaled that his ride was already here.

He looked up to see the jet black, 1967 Chevy Impala his older brother owned, drive up.  “Hey, Sammy,” Dean said smiling as Sam climbed in the passenger side. “So, how’re you feeling?”

“I told you not to wait for me.” Sam said, ignoring Dean’s questions as he attempted to get at least a little comfortable in the car. He was hoping he would be able to sleep. Even if it was for only the 10 minute drive that was from the hospital to their apartment.

“And I told you I have nothing better to do than keep my eye on you. Besides, Cali is nothing like they say it is. I was expecting more swimming pools and movie stars. Less earthquakes and protesters.” Dean said as he pressed the gas pedal and they began to drive out of the parking lot.

“What about… uh… what’s her name? Anne? Annie… or something like that?” Sam asked teasingly.

“It’s Anne Marie, and no. I just talk to her every once and a while, nothing there.” Sam opened his mouth to say something else, but Dean cut him off. “And Lisa is a ‘no’ too.  I don’t go back with exes. Especially one that works in that god forsaken place that they call a hospital.”

Bitterness was evident in his voice and his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. They told Dean first. Sam thought to himself. I bet it was Lisa who actually told him. She was the one who usually delivered the bad news. There was another nurse, Castiel, who always said the good news. So Dean was a bigger fan of him, for obvious reasons. And Cas had been a family friend for a while. He’s known Sam since before he got sick, and he knew Dean even longer. Then there was his doctor. She told him to call her Jody, considering they see each other so often, but he still refers to her as Dr. Mills most of the time.

“So, how was the appointment?” Dean said, forcing a smile again as he glanced over at Sam.

“You already know. Why are you asking?” he answered, letting his eyes close and the wind from the open window cooled him down. “The estimate that I have left is one month. The doctor is still a douche bag. And one of the nurses said I should use my wish now so I don’t waste it.”

Dean was quiet for a few moments, the only noise was the wind whipping through the windows and the gentle sound of stairway to heaven playing on the radio. “I don’t know what you want me to say to that, Sammy.”

“Nothing to say.” Sam said as he turned from the window to look at Dean. “It’s just… you said mom had it,” Dean looked over at Sam. “So why the hell don’t you have it too?”

They’ve had this conversation before. Sam knows exactly what Dean’s going to say. “She was pregnant with you when she was diagnosed, you know that.” Yep, that was the answer he was expecting. “But don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t prefer myself have this than you.” Sam sat up slightly. That part was new. Maybe the people at the hospital had told Dean something different. More in depth about what’s happening to him maybe? Just like the doctors, Dean knew more about Sam then he knew about himself.

“Go to sleep, Sammy.” Dean’s voice sounded hurt. Almost broken. Ever since there mom died, Dean pretty much took over the role as Sam’s parent. Their dad was no help at all. The man drank too much. He ended up dying too. Sam tried to calm himself down and get comfortable once again. It should’ve been hard with all of those thoughts clouding his head. But it wasn’t. He was out like a light as soon as he found the right position, the wind still hitting his face.

Sam’s eyelids felt heavy, but he opened them anyways. Once he noticed he wasn’t in the car anymore, he sighed, then tried to tell which room he was in by just looking at the ceiling. Still too tired to even attempt to look around the room. He could hear Dean’s voice. It sounded somewhat distant. He guessed that Dean was probably on the phone in his room. Maybe was talking to Cas about how he should be able to do something about this. Sam knew he couldn’t. Even if he could find something to do, he wasn’t even Sam’s doctor. He just did shots, checked temperatures, did blood tests, talked to the other patients, and helped with the occasional bed adjustment.  Most of the time, Cas didn’t really know anything that’s happening with Sam either. He just heard things that Jody ended up mumbling to herself as she read off everything that Cas had written down.

“‘Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Dean said as he walked into the room.

‘Living room. Probably’ Sam thought to himself.

“How long was I asleep?” Sam asked sitting up, rubbing his hands over his eyes until the black dots stopped dancing over his vision.

“Only about half an hour.” Dean’s hand was covering the speaker of the phone. “Oh, and your Skype or whatever the hell it’s called has been doing that noise thing when you have a call for a while now.”

“What?!” Sam shouted, instantly more awake. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Didn’t want to wake you,” he said as if it was obvious. “Don’t worry. I’m sure your little internet boyfriend is still sitting in front of his computer waiting for you to answer.”

Sam stood up from the couch quickly and walked to his room. His laptop was already set up on his desk, charging and everything. Sure enough, Dean was right. The ring was going off. Thank God Gabe was persistent.

Just the thought of the man, made Sam’s whole day a million times better. Gabriel Shurley. Weirdly enough, they ended up meeting online. It was on Tumblr actually. Tumblr is a website full of people who are easily insulted and entertained. He wouldn’t have even joined the website if it wasn’t for a friend of his, Jess, who’d suggested it considering he started going out less and less. “If you’re not gonna make friends in the real world, make them online.”

The idea was stupid, but he had nothing else to do. When you’re dying and pretty much everything you want to do is too difficult, you can either be depressed, or try to find something that can take up time and distract you from the inevitable.

Sam no longer remembered when they started talking, but then again, a lot of things had gotten blurry for him nowadays. Things just progressed, the two strangers got to know each other and got pretty close. Definitely more close than they should have been. Sam did not want to get close to anyone. He didn’t want to hurt them. He did almost anything he could to get them to hate him, so it would hurt less. It was selfish, sure, but it helped him cope. At the time, the only people he was really close to are Dean, Jess, and now Gabe.

He combed his hands through his somewhat thing hair, just to try and look a little more presentable. Even though they had both seen each other at a crazy time in the middle of the night, hair every which way, bags under their eyes, Sam liked to look good.

“Hey, Sammich!” The voice made Sam smile wider. He’s never been a fan of nicknames, but he couldn’t help but smile at anything that Gabriel said.

“Hey,” Sam said, running his hand through his hair again.

“So, Sam-a-lam. How’s life treating ya?”

“Pretty good,” he lied, that stupid smile not leaving his face. “And you?”

“Great, actually. My roommate just moved out so I have the whole apartment to myself!”

“Your roommate…” Sam thought for a few seconds. “Kevin, right?”

Gabriel nodded. “Yep. He’s flying back to Michigan to go to U of M. Even though he had a pretty nice setup here. Honestly, I just think the kid was homesick”

“Or maybe he got tired of hearing songs from Rent blasting through your apartment 24/7,” Sam joked.

“I will stand by that musical until the day I die, Sam Winchester. I still can’t believe you’ve never seen it.”

“And I still can’t believe you’ve never seen Silence of the Lambs but I don’t tell you to watch it every single time we talk.”

“He’s eating people, Sam. Eating people.” Sam laughed, which earned a small eye roll from Gabe. “Oh, and I have some amazing news!”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? What?”

“So, your brother called me and-”

“Dean talked to you?” Sam cut him off. “That’s not good news, Gabe.”

“Anyways,” he continued. “We were on the phone a few minutes ago planning something and he wanted me to be the one to tell you.”

That definitely got Sam’s attention. “Okay, Gabe. I’m listening.”

Gabriel picked up a brush and acted like it was a microphone “Samuel Winchester,” he began, making his voice sound like an announcer on a game show. “Pick a door. One, two, or three, and you get to keep the prize behind the door you pick.”

Sam scoffed. “Let me guess, all of them are the same prize?”

He nodded. “But it’s a damn good prize if I do say so myself.”

“Okay then. Door 2.”

“You have won an all-expense paid trip to The Big Apple for 2 weeks with yours truly.” The look on Sam’s face must’ve been pretty hilarious, because Gabriel just laughed.

“You’re joking,” he said after a few minutes. “You’re joking and you just wanted to see how I’d react.”

Gabe frowned, “Now why would I do that?”

“Because you’re you.”

He acted like he thought about it for a few seconds then shrugged. “Valid point, Winchester. But I’m serious.”

Sam scoffed. “Oh really? Prove it.”

“Fine. Give me two seconds.” Gabriel left his seat, probably to grab something. A few seconds later he came back, a paper in his hands. “You’ll be leaving the airport February 2nd on the Southwest plane that goes from Cali to Chicago, then from there to NYC, baby!”

Sam was quiet for a seconds, thinking over the date. “Wait… that’s tomorrow.”

Gabriel nodded happily. “Hell yeah it is!” He looked around the room from his seat. “I should probably clean up the place a little… I had this really big paint accident about a week ago. Well, at least the smell aired - Sam? You still there?” He snapped in front of the camera, trying to get his attention. Sam still looked shocked and he was having a hard time telling if it was his computer lagging out or if Sam just hadn’t moved.

Sam nodded, a huge smile growing on his face. “And you’re not joking?” he asked again.

“Nope. So you should get packing, shouldn’t you?”


	2. Learn to Fly

Sam was still in shock when they got to the airport. Everything just felt so unreal. Like a dream, that he doesn’t really want to wake up from, but in a way that doesn’t include dying. He couldn’t stop smiling.

Dean, on the other hand, was having the exact opposite feeling. Sam needed to have somebody with him who was familiar with his ‘condition’ and could help if something happened. Sam said he would’ve been fine without Dean coming along he was sure, but all the doctors were pretty insistent.

His hands were shaking as he looked through the songs he had on his iPod. They had only been up for about 10 minutes, and they still had another flight to take after this. And Sam knew his brother really well, but he’d never found out why he was scared of flying. “Dean?” Sam asked him

Dean jumped a little, then looked over at Sam, pulling one of his ear buds out. “You alright? The ibuprofen is in my bag if it’s-”

“No, Dean. I’m fine,” he cut him off. “I was just noticing that you looked like you were about to puke and I’m just asking you don’t do it on me.”

Dean laughed. It sounded really nervous and shaky, but it was a laugh none the less. “Don’t worry, I won’t puke on you. I’ll aim for the old dude in front of me who won’t move his goddamn seat.”

“You know,” Sam said, changing the topic of conversation. “You never told me exactly how you and Gabe managed to plan this.”

Dean shrugged. “It wasn’t that hard. They have wish programs for people above 18, you know that.”

“No. I mean how did you do that without telling Gabriel about everything?” There was a silence between the two, and Sam began to panic. “You didn’t tell him, did you?”

Dean sighed. “No. Which I think is really stupid by the way. This whole “hide everything from him” thing.”

“I’m not hiding everything from him,” Sam said. “Just… certain things.”

“Like the fact that you‘re dying?” Dean snapped. He looked over at Sam and saw his hurt face. He sighed. “Sorry…”

“No need to apologize,” Sam mumbled, taking out his book from his bag. “It’s true…”

The silence between them now was deafening. It only lasted about a full minute but it felt like forever. Dean only broke the silence when the pilot made an announcement about turbulence.

“Alright, no way in hell I’ll be able to do this flight one hundred percent sober,” he mumbled leaning past Sam to get the flight attendant’s attention and asked for a beer.

When she walked away, Sam looked over at Dean. “Can I have a sip when you get it?”

He sighed. “Fine. But that’s all you’re getting.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You did the whole speech already.” Sam rolled his eyes. “You seizing on the floor, foaming at the mouth, would put a huge damper on the vacation,” he said mocking his brother’s gruff voice.

“Well, it would,” Dean countered. “So, no alcohol whatsoever, no clubs for obvious reasons.” He stopped talking when he noticed the bitch face that his brother was giving him. “Sorry. I’m just worried.”

“I’ll be fine, Dean. I promise.”

The rest of the trip was pretty much spent in silence, other than the occasional question about how long they’ve been up. The second flight more or less the same. But Sam was ten times giddier, no matter how much his body just wanted him to sleep. Dean, however, was out as soon as they took off from Chicago, so Sam was left alone with his thoughts, and the crying baby about 4 rows ahead of him. At least he could tune that out pretty well.

He’d been to New York Before, probably multiple times considering how he used to travel. His mom wanted to go to every state before she died. From Sea to Shining Sea. Long story short, she didn’t make it. She died when Sam was 2, incidentally, not from the cancer, but from something else completely that he can’t remember the name of. That was the biggest problem with leukemia, you can pretty much catch everything within a moment’s notice.

Sam sighed. ‘Don’t think about it, don’t think about it…’ He had to keep reminding himself. This was supposed to be a happy trip; he would finally be able to meet Gabriel in person and would get to spend 2 weeks with him. He sighed again – he did a lot of that lately – and looked out the window. The day had been pretty clear to start with, at least when they were in Chicago. Las Angeles was pretty nice too, but wherever they were then was a little more than Cloudy. Sam wondered how the pilots could even see with all of that.

After that, he must’ve drifted, because he woke up to the sound of the voice of the pilot announcing that they had arrived in New York. He couldn’t help but smile. Some of the passengers had already began to stand up and grab their belongings. Dean was one of them, mumbling something about being happy to finally be able to get out of ‘this flying, metal, death trap’

Sam offered to help Dean out, but of course he declined the offer. Once they were out of the plane, finally, Sam really started to notice the hustle and bustle of New Yorkers that Gabe would never stop talking about. He got pushed out of the way probably more than 10 times by somebody who was yelling at somebody else over the phone.

“You know,” Dean started as they walked down to the baggage claim. “The fact that you could have chosen anywhere to go, but ended up choosing here to see your…whatever you consider Gabriel, is kind of adorable.” Sam looked over at Dean, but before he had the chance to say anything, his brother spoke up again. “In a cheesy, chick flick, Rom-Com sort of way.”

“Had the feeling the moment wouldn’t last,” Sam said underneath his breath.

About 10 minutes later, Sam’s phone began to vibrate, signaling that he had got a message. Well, more than one. They were coming in rapid fire, and he didn’t really have the chance to reply to any of them before another text was sent.

 _Gabe Shurley_  
>> You guys are here already, right?  
>> The traffic is absolute crap and I’ve been waiting in line for about 30 minutes.  
>> I’ll just get out of my car and walk over to meet you guys.  
>> It’ll probably get towed for me just leaving it there in line.  
>> Or ran into.  
>> North West door, right?  
>> You there, Sam?  
<< Yeah, I’m here. You barely gave me a chance to reply though.  
>> Sorry. Just nervous I guess.  
>> I talk a lot when I’m nervous.  
>> You’ll probably start hating me after an hour  
<< No I won’t. See you in a few minutes.

__

“So, Dean…” Sam said as he put his phone back into his pocket and began to look at the luggage moving around in a circle, waiting to find his. “Where exactly are we staying?”

“Well, since I’m an amazing older brother, I was going to stay at a hotel. It’s kind of nice.” He grabbed his duffle off of it. “You, on the other hand, are staying with Gabriel.”

“Really?” Sam asked excitedly, grabbing his bag as well.

“I don’t trust the kid. Hell, I barely know him, but might as well start letting go, right?” The smile that his brother wore was forced. Sam wasn’t too surprised by that, though. Dean was protective. He had every right to be. They were all each other had left, so they were close. Sam guessed that Gabriel had to have convinced Dean into letting him stay with him.

As if on cue, a familiar voice said from behind him. “Oh God, you’re even taller in person.” Sam turned around to see Gabriel looking up at him. The man had kind of short blonde hair, and what Sam thought were the most adorable facial features ever. He was wearing a comic Loki t-shirt that looked very worn. Whether it was the style of the shirt or that he had had it for a long time was difficult to tell. His jeans were pretty torn up and the jacket he was wearing looked way to light too actually keep him warm in a New York winter.

Sam couldn’t stop himself from pulling the shorter man into a huge hug. Gabriel didn’t seem too phased by it. “Nice to finally be able to meet you in person.” Sam said once they finally pulled apart from each other.

Gabriel smiled back. “Nice to finally meet you too, Sasquatch.” He looked over at his brother. “Dean, no need to worry your pretty little head. Your little brother will be fine.”

Dean rolled his eyes, they’d probably had this whole conversation before. Sam couldn’t help but wonder what Dean must’ve drilled Gabe on before he thought he was good enough.

“We’ll be fine, Dean,” Sam reassured him before pulling his bags over his shoulder. “I’ll call you when we get to his place and everything. I promise.”

The two of them didn’t give much of a chance for Dean to respond before they walked out of the airport.

The silence between them when they were walking from the doors to the car was a little awkward. The weirdness of the situation was finally starting to catch up with them, at least a little.

“So…” Gabe said as they got in the car. A bunch of other cars had already driven around his, but surprisingly enough, no ticket or dent was on the thing. “How was the flight?”

Gabriel knew that trying to small talk was the best way to get past this awkward stage, but he just couldn’t think of anything better to say. He mentally slapped himself for that.

Sam shrugged. “It was fine, I guess. Could be better, but then again, a lot of things could be better.”

“You planning on getting all philosophical on me again?” Gabe asked smiling as he got into the front seat. “It’s kind of cute, but most of the time I have no idea what you end up going on about.”

Sam laughed, which eased the tension a little. Gabriel suddenly felt far more comfortable with him. It was just like how they usually talk, except he could actually touch him, and no lagging of course. Thank God. That made all of this easier.

By the time they got to Gabriel’s apartment, they were talking like they’ve known each other forever. They had told each other pretty much everything, well, everything that both of them were comfortable with sharing with each other. Like how every time Gabriel would mention school or why Dean is so protective over him, Sam would go quiet or change the subject quickly. Or when Sam would ask about family or other things like that, Gabriel would make some offhand comment. They weren’t ready to share everything yet, and that was okay. Where they were, they were comfortable, and that’s what mattered then. Comfort.

Once they got inside, Sam seemed pretty impressed with the space. “This is amazing,” he said looking around at the high ceilings and window looking over the city.

“Perks of having a rich dad I guess.” Gabe said shrugging his coat off and tossing it on the couch. It was obvious that it had used to be a rich brown leather, but was now covered in acrylic paints. He prayed that the paint was dry, then sat on the couch, watching Sam walk around the living room/studio.

The walls were covered in pictures, some were photography, some were paintings on canvases, and others were just painted on the wall. Sam seemed more interested in the pictures than the paintings, which Gabriel wasn’t too surprised about.  Sam had seem most  of those paintings already, they were always in the background when they were skyping each other, and sometimes Gabe would livestream him painting them, or just put a video of him painting them, sped up, on YouTube.

The photographs, on the other hand, were never really in focus. Sam would ask about them all the time, and Gabriel would tell him about a few of them, but he never really went into detail. Most of the pictures are just of friends, a few of family that he doesn’t really like to talk about, and the rest are just of places that he’s been to.

“Who’s that?” he asked, pointing to a photo of a young woman. She was wearing a red dress and had gold bracelets on her arm. In the picture, you couldn’t see her face very well, just the silhouette of her body as she looked over a balcony.

Gabriel sighed at the memory. In all honesty, he probably should have taken that picture down. That’s what you do with pictures of exes, right? That night was still far too clear in his mind. The sunset that they were looking at as they ate. How the sun was reflected on her skin. Ironically enough, it wasn’t even a romantic night. It was probably the opposite. They were breaking up with each other, but they wanted it to go out with a bang. They had been together for what felt like forever. But the problem was that she wanted it to last. And as much as Gabriel did too, he was probably the worst person ever when it came to commitment. Even when it was just committing to finishing a painting. He didn’t even know how many half done things that he had hidden away in some room of his apartment.  If he was honest with himself, he still loved her, way more than he liked to admit.

“Hey,” Sam said snapping Gabriel from his thoughts. He was sitting next to him on the paint covered couch by that time. A few inches of space separated them. It was enough to still have some personal space, but still close enough to each other. “You alright?”

The artist sighed, and let his eyes drop to the ground. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He looked back at the picture. “That’s Kali Sharma. Old Girlfriend of mine. We broke up about a year ago…”

“I shouldn’t have asked, should I?”

“No, no. You’re fine,” Gabriel cut off, smiling at the other man. “It’s just, I never really talk about her, you know?”

Sam nodded, then went back to looking around the room, but this time he stopped to look at the pile of DVDs and video games Gabe had by his TV. “I’m guessing we should have a movie night soon, huh?”

Gabe smiled excitedly. “I can finally show you Rent!” He ran over to the pile of DVDs that Sam was looking at then sat next to him. “I swear, you’ll love it. It’s better than Grease. Well,” he hesitated. “I think it is.”

“I guess I’ll be the judge of that.” Sam said smiling again.

God, he loved when the younger man did that. His dimples were adorable, and his eyes would sparkle. Especially when he talked about something he enjoyed. Gabe had to admit, he wouldn’t mind seeing that every single day.

“So…” Sam spoke up again, fiddling with his shirt. “I’ll be here for 2 weeks. Still having a hard time believing that.”

Gabriel thought he was right, it did feel pretty surreal. Or like a dream. “Yeah, same…” He stood up, then offered his hand to help Sam up. “So, first time in New York?”

Sam shook his head. “No. I’ve been here once or twice. But I was really little and don’t remember much of it. And I couldn’t do much either. In an age sort of way and in a broke kind of way.”

Gabe pouted. “Then where’d you guys stay? New York isn’t exactly cheap.”

Sam shrugged, then finally took Gabe’s hand to help himself up. “We stayed in New Jersey.” His voice was hesitant. Gabriel wasn’t entirely sure if he was lying or not, but he decided not to question it. Staying in New Jersey when visiting New York wasn’t too out there for him. It was actually pretty common.

“Well, since it’s kind of your first time in NYC I want to take you somewhere. Like, the full New York experience. We can go to Central Park, walk around a bit. Maybe bring some food and stuff like that. Or we can buy some food from some vendors near the park-“

“Wait.” Sam interrupted him. “What exactly do you mean by walk around? Like, the entire park?”

“Yeah.” Gabriel said like it was obvious. “You seem like a pretty fit guy, I’m sure you could sprint around that entire place multiple times. Maybe even carry me. You got a coat or something? I mean, it’s probably going to be a little cold for you.”

Sam was quiet for a few seconds, looking at the ground. “Is there anywhere else we can go?”

Gabe stopped in the middle of pulling his jacket on his shoulders. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just…” Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. Just tired I guess. Long flight, you know? We can do the whole ‘New York Experience’ thing tomorrow.”

Gabriel looked at him confusedly for a few seconds before sighing, and pulling his coat off again. “Well, alright. How about we do the movie night now?”

Sam sighed to himself, thinking ‘Thank God.’ He nodded. “Sure, movie is good.”

Gabriel smiled. “Well, I’ll go work on making some snacks. You allergic to anything? Like, food allergies and stuff? It’s just I should probably know so I don’t accidentally kill you or something.”

Sam laughed. It felt more forced than anything but he didn’t mean for it to come out that way. “No, I’m good.”

“Alright.” He walked towards the kitchen. “I’ll be in here if you need me for anything. Bathroom is in the hall way near that angel mural I did about a month ago and the guest room is across from my room which is the one with the poster of Tom Hiddleston on it.” With that, walked in there to begin preparing some snacks.

Sam waited a few seconds before standing up, grabbing his bag, and heading to what would be his room for the next 14 days. Once he was in there and the door was closed, he began to unpack.

Basic things like clothes, toiletries, other crap, were on the top. Once those were out he began to look over everything else. An inhaler (just in case), an abundance of over-the-counter and prescription pills, anti-depressants, things he had a tendency to hide from as many people as he could. In fact, the only people who knew about the anti-depressants were Dean and Cas.

There were two sliding, ceiling to floor mirrors in the room. His reflection was kind of hard to avoid looking at. Not in an extremely vain way, it’s just he used to be so much… _better_.  

His muscles were pretty much gone, and he was back to being the scrawniest and most lanky person he knew. Sam’s hair had already started growing back since the chemo ended. Which was great and all but…

He sighed. ‘Wow, okay. I _do_ sound really vain,’ Sam thought to himself as he ran his hands through his hair. ‘A lot of people have it worse…’ He reminded himself of that almost every day now. Poverty, oppression, diseases that literally cannot be cured. He had it good compared to a lot of things people had going on right now.

There was a knock at the door followed by Gabriel’s voice. “You okay in there, Sasquatch?” He asked. “You’ve been in there for a while, I finished making stuff and I was planning on starting the movie. You’re still up for that, right?”

Sam ran his hands over his face, trying to at least try to wipe away the tiredness from his eyes. Put on a brave face. Everything’s fine… “Uh, yeah. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, I’ll meet you in there. Can you give me a few minutes?”

Gabe hesitated a few seconds before answering. “Sure. I’ll be in the living room.”

Sam began changing into some sweatpants and a Stanford T-shirt. He knew if this movie was anything like how Gabe went on, he would probably end up falling asleep. It wasn’t that the other man’s excitement didn’t excite him as well, it was just that Sam wasn’t too big on musicals. Yeah, he’d seen and kind of enjoyed a few major ones like Grease and Wicked. But, might as well give the movie a chance, right?

An hour and forty – five minutes later and Sam was a sniffling mess. He didn’t think it would be that bad. Well, more like that _good_. It was funny at first but then it just kept getting sadder and sadder. Hell, he was crying by No Day but Today. Gabriel had mentioned that they weren’t even at the sad part yet.

And God, Angel. Why the hell did she have to die? Why couldn’t she live with Collins and they would be happy together forever just like what they promised each other in “I’ll Cover You?” The Reprise of that was a million times worse though.

“So… how was it?” Gabriel asked, his voice still shaky because of his crying, as the ending credits rolled. They’d started the movie sitting on opposite sides of the couch and by the end of it, Gabriel had his legs tucked underneath him and his head lying on Sam’s shoulder.

Sam wiped a tear. “It was good. Really, really good.”

“It’s got nothing on Silence of the Lambs, right?” Gabriel said smiling at him.

“Two completely different genres. So it doesn’t count.” Sam laughed. “Horror and Musicals are pretty much the exact opposite.”

“Well, it’s kind of late…” Gabe noticed as he stood up, and stretched. His arms rose over his head. Sam noticed something he didn’t even remember the other had. His shirt had risen just enough to show a few tattooed, golden feathers on Gabriel’s skin. “Maybe we should head to sleep. You probably have some serious jetlag going on-”

“You never told me about that…” Sam said, a small smirk on his face.

Gabe raised an eyebrow and let his arms drop. “About what?”

“That tattoo.”

He laughed. “Probably didn’t tell you about it because it’s pretty old. Got it around the time I was 18. You know, rebellious, ‘finally away from the family’ sort of thing. I got two piercings on my right ear, too. Crappy idea though, I never wore the studs I was supposed to.”

“Can I see?” Sam asked, getting up from the couch as well. “The tattoo I mean.”

The artist shrugged. “Not sure. Maybe some other time.” He absently rubbed at his back. “So, I’ll suggest this again. Sleep? Believe me, I would be so up with staying up all night with you, if you know what I mean. But if I’m completely honest with myself, I haven’t really been sleeping because of excitement. I’ve pretty much felt like a kid the day before a field trip for the past week. We probably both need some sleep. And in the morning, we can plan out what we should do.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, sounds good. Have a good night’s sleep.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Gabriel said jokingly before picking up the dirty plates from the TV trays he had brought out.

Sam walked back into the guest room, finally starting to fully take the room in. Other than the mirrors, he hadn’t noticed too much at first. The room smelled very similar to an art teacher’s room. Which didn’t surprise him too much. Gabe’s entire house smelled like it. This one was a little different, though, and Sam just couldn’t put his finger on it.

 

Gabriel was still in the kitchen by the time Sam was asleep. Which meant that it was probably already tomorrow. He checked the clock to the side of him quickly. Yep, already tomorrow. It was about 12:30 A.M. He continued to clean up the little mess that he had made in his kitchen.

He rubbed his back again, for some reason feeling the pain that caused the scars that were now covered by the wings. He hated to think about it. He didn’t remember the man’s name, probably a repressed memory or something. But the man was an older and he remembered making fun of it a little. In fact, the man wasn’t even too intimidating at first, but as the months went on he just kept getting worse and worse. Making sure everything went his way, whether Gabriel liked it or not. “Follow the script.” He would always say. And yet, he stayed with him for a year.

Gabriel shuddered at the memory. That was the exact reason why he didn’t do commitment. He’s sure that there were a few other reasons thrown in there, like daddy issues and big brother problems. But that was the main thing.

Once he was done cleaning up, he headed towards his room.


	3. I'll Cover You

Sam liked mornings. He always had, and hopefully always would. Morning was the only time of day that he actually felt awake. Not to mention the feeling you got when you’d just woken up and everything was actually ok.

He rolled over and looked at the clock to see that it was about 10. Once he had his bearings and he was actually awake, he got out of bed and began to get dressed.

Sam looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to make himself look decent. He still didn’t really like the thin quality of his hair, but it was fine enough for him to at least leave the room.

He walked out to see Gabe sitting on the couch, cross-legged, with a Canon camera in his hand.

“Morning, Sasquatch,” he said as he looked up and smiled. “So, while you were out I planned our whole day. Hope that’s okay with you.”

 Sam nodded and walked over to sit next to Gabriel. Honestly, he didn’t really care what they did. Although he was a little worried about the minor fact that Gabriel didn’t think you could experience New York from the inside of a car. He had mentioned _that_ when they talked on the phone before Dean and Sam took off.

“So, we can start off at this amazing café for breakfast. It’s pretty much across the street so we can just walk there.” He pulled up a picture of a coffee shop on his camera. The sign was made of wood and the letters ‘DTUT’ were written in huge, black, bold letters. The windows were tinted so darkly that you could barely see into the shop besides a few booths near the window.

“Then, after breakfast we can head over to Central Park. Walk around a bit. Maybe have a picnic,” Gabe shrugged. “I would suggest more but, I’m kind of low on the whole money thing. And I’m not gonna ask my dad. I guess it’s just been a while since I sold a painting or something. Am I ranting?” He looked over at Sam with a questioning look on his face.

“Uh… a little,” Sam said smiling. “But, it is nice to know I’m not the only person nervous about this whole ‘met online and haven’t actually spent a day together in real life thing’,” He shrugged.

Gabriel smiled. “That’s good.” He stood up from the couch, still keeping hold of his camera and all of Sam’s attention. “I’ll go get ready. Don’t forget to grab your coat.”

They’d already finished eating their food, but hadn’t bothered leaving. It was a little too quiet between them while they were at the café. “You still there, Samsquatch?” he asked, looking over at Sam, who looked like he didn’t even know Gabe was there.

Sam flinched and looked over at Gabriel. Whatever he was thinking about must have been pretty interesting, because he’d just been staring out the window for about 5 minutes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…” He looked back out the window.

“What? Am I really that boring?”

“No, not at all. Just looking.” He turned around, his back no longer facing Gabriel. “The way you explained this place was a lot worse than it actually looks.”

“I never said it was bad,” Gabriel countered. “I just said that I don’t like living here. Too busy with all of the wrong people.” He sighed. “I swear, the only people I really see on the street are some corporate executives or hobos…”

Sam smiled. “Well then you’re just not looking hard enough.” He motioned to the window with his head and turned around again. Gabriel got out of his seat and stood next to Sam, looking out the window as well.

“I don’t think I’m seeing what you’re talking about, kiddo.”

“Like I said, not looking hard enough.” He pointed to a man on the side walk who looked like he was yelling at the sky. He was wearing a kind of decent suit. “What do you think he’s doing?”

“It looks like he’s having a meltdown,” Gabriel said. “Somebody who works in a cubicle all day and can’t really take it anymore. Probably yelling at God about why he would give him such a crappy life.”

Sam hesitated. “Wow, is that really what you think?” Gabe nodded. “Well, you’re not seeing everything. Look up there,” he pointed to one of the higher windows on the apartment where another man, a little bit younger, was sitting on the edge of his balcony. His feet swinging on the edge. “He was standing up a few seconds ago. That guy down there, the one that you thought was crazy, he talked that other guy out of jumping.”

Gabriel thought for a few seconds. “So that’s what you were distracted by.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. See, uptown isn’t so bad…”

“Yeah, well I honestly would prefer to live in a place with more eccentric people.” He got up from his seat and put the tip on the table. “More inspiration for things to paint and not just doing it to pay my internet bill. So, ready?”

Sam got up from his seat as well, pulling on his coat. Gabe noticed that it was was definitely bought from somewhere that didn’t have winter. It was pretty much just a jacket, black in color and stopped at his hips. Gabriel would have to get something better for him later. “Ready as I will be I guess…”

Sam was already tired by the time they actually got to the park, even though he had managed to convince Gabriel to let them take a taxi.

Gabe was talking about something that Sam wasn’t entirely paying attention to. Something about how the park usually had more people there. Sam was far too distracted by the people (though, like Gabe said, weren’t many of them) He watched as a family of 4 walked along the path, the little girl playing in the snow whenever she had the chance and then ran to catch up with her parents and older brother.

Sam hadn’t even noticed the cold until Gabriel mentioned it to him. “You’re shivering, kiddo,” he had said, stepping in front in front of Sam so he would stop walking. “I saw a few vendors over there, I can get you a coat better than that.”

Sam was about to refuse before Gabriel pulled him over to the rack of coats that he’d been talking about. The bar that was holding the coats up looked like they were weighed down by all the clothes. It wasn’t that surprising. Even just one of the coats on the rack looked like it weighed at least twenty pounds.

“This one looks about your size,” Gabe said, pulling off one of the coats from the far end of the rack. It was pretty long, looked like it would end right around his hips. It was a black hooded coat and had probably way more buttons and zippers than needed to be on it. The coat was definitely a little more than he was used to, but it looked warm enough. Then again, it also looked like a cheap knockoff that these vendors are pretty famous for.

“Yeah, I guess it kind of does,” Sam said. “You know what this kind of reminds me of?”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Really? What?”

“That scene when Angel bought Collins the coat,” Sam smiled.

Gabriel smiled just as wide. “You can always tell if someone likes a movie when they actually compare it to everything.” He handed the coat to Sam and watched as he put it on. “That makes you Collins.”

“And you Angel.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea. For starters, I can’t play the drums for crap, and two, I doubt I have the legs to pull off a skirt.” Gabriel adjusted his own coat, pulling it closer to his body. “And technically, if we were going to reenact that scene, we’d need to sing.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. I’m going to have to stop you right there. I don’t really sing. At least, not in front of people.”

Gabe shrugged. “Troy and Gabriella said that in High School Musical. Then they ended up with lead roles in the school musical.”

“Do you base everything you think on a musical?”

“What can I say, right after art, I’m a pretty big musical theater nerd.”

“I can tell.”

After that, the two of them were walking in silence. It was a little awkward for Sam because all they really did while skyping was talk to each other. He just continued people watching. There were a few old ladies throwing bread crumbs at birds, a few couples holding hands walking down the street, all the basic ‘Movie in New York’ things.

Sam was watching a small child chasing after a bird when Gabriel began talking again. “It’s usually nicer…” Gabriel mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked, looking over at him as he stopped walking.

“It’s just…” Gabe sighed. “In December, it’s pretty nice. Like, when there’s snow everywhere and nobody’s really walked all over it yet. In October, the leaves look awesome and it’s pretty much the major aesthetic of autumn. Spring and summer, it’s usually pretty nice like, the flowers and everything. But you just had to come around in one of the crappiest times of the year. Slushy snow, everybody’s already tired of this whole winter thing and-”

“Well, I like it.” Sam said, cutting the other off.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s only because you’re from Cali.”

Sam was going to say something, but he got distracted by his head beginning to spin. Maybe it was the change of air or something, but he was definitely more tired than he should be. Even with the whole dying thing put into the equation. “Can we take a break?” he asked , trying to keep steady.

Gabriel hesitated. “I guess. You okay?”

Sam nodded, but began walking to the nearest bench. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired I guess.”

When the two of them were sitting down Gabriel watched Sam breathe heavily. “You look like you just ran a marathon, kiddo,” Gabriel mentioned, a worried look on his face. “That’s doesn’t exactly look okay.”

Sam had his head between his legs, still attempting to catch his breath. “Well, this happens a lot,” he said between breaths, but immediately regretted it. Even though he wasn’t looking at the other man, he was pretty sure Gabriel’s worried look got deeper.

“That’s even worse!” Gabe got off of the bench and knelt in front of him. Sam looked up, meeting Gabriel in the eye.

Sam sighed. “Just give me a second-” Breath in “-To catch my breath” Breath out.

Gabriel watched silently, not moving an inch. The way Sam was breathing looked way too labored for him to be able to bounce back in a few seconds. That reminded Gabe about how sometimes, when he was just thinking, he would think about how he was breathing. He wasn’t really sure why it came up in thought, but it pretty much always did. Then he would be self-conscious of his breathing and he would actually need to force himself to breath or else he was pretty sure he would die. It really wasn’t a fun feeling. “You good?” Gabriel asked after a few minutes. He was pretty sure tourists were staring by now.

Sam nodded. “Sorry…”

“No need to apologize, just didn’t want you to pass out on me is all.” And he kissed him. It was just a small peck on the lips, but it was still pretty shocking for both of them. Gabe finally stood up, not giving either of them enough time to really react to it. “Should we head back now?”

He couldn’t help but notice that Sam was blushing, he couldn’t hide his smile from that. How could a guy that looks like he could probably lift up a tree and not break a sweat blush like that? Gabriel also couldn’t help the fact that he wanted to be the one to make him blush. Nobody else. It was oddly possessive of him, so Gabe dismissed the thought.

“I’m sorry, I feel like I’m pretty much ruining the whole day you planned out.”

“Like I said, you’re fine,” Gabriel said, offering Sam a hand. Sam took it with a small smile on his face and stood up. “You still never really answered my question. Do you want to head back now?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

They took the subway back, Gabriel wasn’t exactly a fan of being in such close quarters with hundreds of people, but it was the fastest way to get back to his place. It was about 6:30 p.m. by the time they left central park so, although it was the middle of rush hour, the hours spent in traffic didn’t lessen. If they had taken a taxi they probably wouldn’t have gotten back until at least 10.

Sam was quiet the whole ride back, which Gabriel understood, a little. He still couldn’t help but worry about him. He had no idea what the dizzy spell came from. He went through a list of thing that it could be: low blood sugar, anemia… He looked down at his phone as he leaned against one of the poles, seeing if he could find anything else. Maybe a stroke or heart attack, those worried him even more. Maybe he should call Dean about this…

He looked down at Sam, who had gone straight to the couch when they got back. Gabe couldn’t quite tell if he was asleep or if he just had his eyes closed, but he decided it would be best to not bother him. The kid looked exhausted and Gabriel didn’t want to be the one to get rid of that peaceful look on the younger man’s face.

Gabriel sighed, looking over Sam one more time, beginning to dial Dean’s phone number. Sam’s older brother knew pretty much everything about the kid, he couldn’t help but notice. Yeah, they were brothers and Gabe knew that they pretty much only had each other, but still. Anytime Sam was involved in anything, Dean needs to know pretty much every detail so he could make sure his little brother was ‘okay.’ It was something Gabriel didn’t quite understand about the two of them.

Maybe it was just the way he grew up. Gabe’s brothers weren’t really like that. In fact, they weren’t like that at all. They didn’t care too much about him as soon as he turned twelve. His dad was less like them. He was nice. They were pretty close then and still were if close was paying for his apartment and the occasional visit maybe once a year.

Gabriel reminded himself about the task on hand. He finally clicked call and the phone began to ring. Once, twice, three times. That was new for Dean. Usually he was pretty quick on picking up. It went to voicemail. Gabe just wanted to hang up, but decided he’d better leave a message. “Hey, Dean-o. It’s Gabriel. Just calling because your little brother got a little sick. You usually want to know that kind of stuff. I mean, I’m sure he’s fine, I’m just a little worried is all. Call back when you can. Bye.”

As soon as Gabriel hung up, he heard Sam speak. “Did you really just call Dean?”

Gabe turned around to look at Sam. His hair made it look like he had been asleep for a few hours instead of minutes. Gabriel smiled at him fondly and joined him on the couch.

“Didn’t mean to wake you up, kiddo,” he carded his hands through Sam’s hair. “How’re you feeling?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Just wondering why you wanted to call Dean about that.”

Gabriel scoffed. “You sound jealous,” he laughed. “Don’t worry, just calling the brother’s keeper. I noticed that the two of you are pretty dependent on each other so I just thought I should tell him.”

Sam sighed and attempted to rub the tiredness out of his eye. “He thinks I can’t do anything without him is all,” Sam mumbled. “I can handle myself; he just doesn’t think I can.”

The two of them sat like that for a few minutes. The only time either of them moved was when Gabriel adjusted himself so that he was leaning his head on Sam’s shoulder. It had started to rain, which was fine, but Gabe was pretty those puddles would be sheets of ice in the morning due to the night’s chill. The sound of the rain was soothing. So soothing, that he didn’t even notice that he had started to drift off.

At least, he didn’t notice until he ended up waking back up again. He opened his eyes slowly to see that he still had his head on Sam’s shoulder. The only difference was that Gabe had pulled his legs up onto the couch so they were tucked under him, and Sam’s arm was wrapped around Gabe’s back, his hand settled on his hip. Gabriel looked up at Sam, who was surprisingly more or less awake.

Sam was looking over his shoulder and out the ceiling to floor windows. It had started raining a lot harder, and if it wasn’t for the millions of lights on the surrounding buildings, it would be pitch black outside.

“How long have you been awake?” Gabriel asked as he moved a little, making an attempt to at least get a little more comfortable.

“Just a few minutes.” Sam said as he turned his gaze from the window, to Gabriel.

God, he couldn’t help but stare up at the man’s beautiful intelligent eyes. They were hazel, most of the time. Sometimes they looked green, sometimes brown, grey, and blue. It was really hard to focus on something when you were with a guy with eyes as gorgeous as that. And his _lips_ were on a whole new level of amazing. Gabriel had read stories and seen movies where the love interest’s lips were soft, pink, and pillow-y. Gabe never thought that was even really a thing that people could have, but it was definitely what Sam’s lips looked like. He felt himself leaning in, wanting to feel those lips on his again, if only for a second. The kiss was surprising for both of them. Sam more than Gabriel, but still. Neither of them thought the other would return the kiss, let alone for Sam to hold the nape of Gabe’s neck and deepen the kiss.

So maybe it wasn’t just Gabe who had fantasized about this multiple times. Sam broke the kiss, and looked Gabriel in the eye. “You serious about this, this time?” he asked

Gabriel knitted his eyebrows together and looked at Sam, a confused look on his face. “Serious about what?”

“The kiss,” Sam said matter-of-factly. “Earlier today we kissed, then acted like it never happened.” He turned so that his back was to the arm rest of the chair, and Gabe was sitting in front of him. Only one of his legs were on the couch, the other was stretched out, he could feel one of the legs on the coffee table on the heel of his foot.

“That was a comfort kiss,” Gabriel said, smirking. “This. Is. Different.” He kissed Sam in between every word. “Can you tell now?” He brushed a hair out of Sam’s face.

“Little bit,” Sam smiled. “Think you can prove it to me a little more.”                           

Gabriel’s smirk turned into a Cheshire-Cat like grin. “Smooth. I’m impressed, kiddo,” he said before kissing him again. Just as passionate, maybe more, than before. Sam pulled Gabriel onto his lap, attempting not to break the kiss. He didn’t want the feeling of Gabe’s lips on his to stop. He returned his hands back to the nape of Gabriel’s neck, deepening the kiss. Gabe was straddling Sam’s waist and grinding against him to get any kind of friction that he could.

“Should we move to a bed or something?” Sam said into the kiss.

“I’m sure we can figure something out here.” Gabriel pulled away, which earned a small, unfulfilled moan from Sam. “Shirt off.”

Sam began unbuttoning his shirt, while Gabriel pulled his own over his head and tossed it to the floor. Once his shirt was off as well, Gabe began to suck and bite at Sam's neck, cupping his face with his hand as he did.

Sam let his hands roam down Gabe’s back and ended up settling on his ass. His tight grip made Gabe smile into his neck.

Gabe dropped his hands from Sam’s face to his waist, attempting to unbuckle his belt. After a few failed attempts, Sam decided to do it himself. Right after the belt was out of the way and tossed on the floor, Gabe unbuttoned and unzipped Sam’s pants then began to palm at his cloth-covered dick.

“Wow, kiddo. Everything about is big isn’t it?” Gabriel’s comment got a laugh in response.

“I’m glad you think so,” Sam said as he pulled Gabe’s pants off and tossed them onto the floor along with all of their other discarded clothes.

They kissed again, less passionate, more rough and needy. Gabriel’s hands were gripping Sam’s hair and Sam was holding onto Gabe’s hips so tightly that he was positive bruises would form there. “Gabe, wait.”

“What?” Gabriel said. The word came out more as a demand then a question, as if to say ‘I swear you if you ruin the mood one more time I will ship you back to California.’ His lips were puffy and red and Sam almost forgot what he was going to say.

“Lube. If you don’t have any, I have some in my bag.”

Gabriel got off of him. Sam whined again, wanting the feeling of him back. He wanted kiss him again.

“Jesus Christ, Sam. You look like a kicked puppy. You’re the one who reminded me. Don’t worry, I have my own. Hope you like cinnamon,” he smiled again before running off to grab the lube.

Sam swung his legs so that he was sitting normally on the couch now. He took a deep breath and let his head drop back onto of the couch and combed his fingers through his hair. Sam didn’t really believe in karma, but he must’ve done something pretty fantastic to end up getting with a beautiful man such as Gabriel. His eyes looked like they were made of gold and his smile was the most adorable thing in the world.

“Didn’t miss me too much, did you?” Gabe said as he entered the room again, still only wearing a pair of tight boxers. He held up the bottle in his hand and smiled before walking back over to the couch. Instead of joining Sam on it, Gabriel knelt in front of him.

Gabriel looked up at Sam with lust blown pupils. He put his thumbs into the waist band of Sam’s boxers and began pulling them down, taking the jeans along for the ride. Gabriel only broke eye contact with Sam once and that was to actually get his pants and boxers off all the way. He took his own off as well, then began kissing up and down Sam’s thighs. The farther up his leg he went and the more he nipped at the sensitive skin, the tighter Sam grabbed at the couch.

Gabe stopped right before he got to Sam’s inner thigh and stood up. Sam looked up at Gabriel from his spot on the couch, biting hard on his lower lip. His cock was hard as a rock. Any kind of touch would probably send him overboard by now.

“I got the lube for a reason, didn’t I? Go on.”

Sam nodded, then covered his fingers in a generous amount of the lube on his hand. The smell of the cinnamon was over whelming. He motioned for Gabriel to come closer. The man straddled him once again, but instead of just being right on Sam’s lap he sat on his knees, just close enough that he could feel the heat of the other’s body but couldn’t touch.

They began kissing, Gabriel carding his hands through Sam’s hair once more and biting at his bottom lip. It was the exact spot that Sam had worried between his teeth not minutes before.

Sam worked on pushing the first finger slowly, circling the tight hole with his finger until he felt Gabriel relax. Sam added the second finger just as slowly as the first, scissoring them, which earned a breathy moan from Gabriel. It turned into a loud moan when Sam found Gabe’s prostate.

“Fuck, Sam. Do that again. Please.”

Sam added a third finger a short time later, and once he was sure that Gabriel was ready, he entered him slowly. Then he let Gabriel do whatever he damn well pleased.

Sam loved to watch the look on Gabriel’s face when he rode him, speeding up, then slowing down, and then speeding up again. He tried to make it last as long as possible, even though they both knew that neither of them would last much longer. Sam knew he was already close, and has been since before Gabe started riding him.

Sam couldn’t stop watching, his hands still gripping Gabriel’s waist tight to steady him. Sam loved how Gabriel’s mouth was hanging open, even if it was just in the slightest. What was better than just watching him, was listening. Whenever Sam closed his eyes, something that happened often, he could still hear those gentle pants, growls, moans, whimpers. God, he could get off just because of that.

“M’ close.” Sam moaned, gripping onto Gabe’s hips tighter.

“M-me too.” He gasped in response.

Close was an understatement. Right after he finished saying it, Sam came, Gabe following right after. His own cum splattered over his belly.

While Gabe caught his breath, he leaned his head on Sam’s shoulder, not bothering to climb off. The closeness was nice. It was amazing compared to the awkwardness they still felt when holding hands.

Their breathing was in sync, and Sam still had his arms wrapped around Gabriel’s frame. Neither of them even thought of getting up to take a shower. It was just the two them, together. Comfortable with where they were and for some reason, Gabriel was actually fine with how fast everything going on between them was too. At least, he was fine with everything until he felt Sam’s lips on his forehead. It was just a gentle kiss but it was one that would usually be shared between lovers. A silent ‘I love you.’ The only thing Gabe could think about then was: “Oh my God, we are so screwed.”


	4. Do I Wanna Know?

They were probably only on the couch for 30 minutes before they decided that sleeping there just like that would be the most uncomfortable and worst idea ever. They had taken their respective showers, Gabriel going first, then they had put their pajamas on and slept in Gabe’s bed. He used the excuse that it was more comfortable than the couch and could fit a ‘moose’ like Sam in it.

Gabe had his head laying on Sam’s broad chest. Sam’s huge hands were still splayed across his back from when he’d trace the lines of the painted on wings. That was actually the thing that lulled him to sleep. Sam’s fingers going up and down his back over the lines, less needy then when he was doing it early. Just soft touches that made Gabriel feel like he was home. He tried to shake the thought. Sure, he liked Sam a lot, but Gabe was pretty sure some witch in the 1800s must’ve cast some ‘Since you broke my child’s heart you will never be able to find love, and your children will never be able to find love and so on and so forth’ spell on his family.

Gabe’s dad was never very good at keeping wives and girlfriends. Something always happened. Michael and Lucifer, his oldest brothers, their mother disappeared and just handed the kids to their dad before running off. Raphael’s mom stuck around a little longer, until he was a toddler, before she ended up dying. Gabriel couldn’t remember how, he was sure he was told the story before but he just didn’t remember. And Gabe’s mom died in child birth. He had absolutely no memories of her, no pictures around the house, nothing. Occasionally his dad would talk about how Gabriel definitely took after his mother. He had her eyes, her nose, and her hair.

Gabriel woke to the sound of his phone vibrating against the wood of the bedside table. He grabbed it, blinded by the light it was producing. He had to squint his eyes to see who the hell would call at fucking early o’clock in the morning. Once he saw it was Dean, he picked up the phone and answered it reluctantly.

“Howdy, Dean-o,” he slurred

“Is Sam okay?” The man’s voice was basically dripping with worry and fear. In just that one sentence, it sounded like Dean was about to get extremely bad news from somebody. Well, maybe that’s what he was expecting.

Gabe looked over his shoulder at Sam, who had his back turned to him, fast asleep, and smirked. “I’d like to think he’s more than okay. Why?”

“Because you called me earlier.”

“Yeah, that was like, 10 hours ago. Did you just get the voicemail now or something?”

There was a pause. “Yeah, I was busy. And now I’m not.  You said you were worried about him, right?”

Gabriel nodded, then realized that Dean couldn’t see it and spoke out loud. “Yes. Is there something I should know?”

Dean sighed. “Sam’s going to hate me for telling you…”

“Telling me what?”

“He’s dying, Gabriel.”

_“-And once again you will know it’s time for the adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and friends.”_

Sam had to admit, that this probably the weirdest thing he’d ever waken up to. He opened his eyes slowly, blinded by the light coming through the open blinds.

He sat up sluggishly, and looked around the room. He had already noticed the absence of a warm body in bed with him, but he was still hoping that Gabriel would at least be in the room. Sam looked at the time. ‘Maybe he’s making breakfast,’ he thought to himself as he got out of the bed.

Sam looked back at the TV. He didn’t realize there was a channel that still played obscenely old cartoons like that. He began to look around the room thoroughly, trying to find a remote so he could shut the weird talking moose up. As he looked around, he saw things that he hadn’t exactly noticed before.

The room’s walls had the same brick pattern as the living room and kitchen did. It was covered in far less pictures than the other rooms, they were still there, just weren’t as obnoxiously _everywhere_. It was nice and far less overwhelming. Most of them were paintings that Gabriel had made. Sam remembered Gabe telling him about how the ones in his room were his favorite originals.

Speaking of said artist, when Sam turned around towards the door, he saw Gabriel leaning against the door frame. He looked at Sam with a small, sad smile. “Morning.”

Sam looked at him, confused. “Good morning,” He answered. “Are you okay?”

Gabe nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine actually. But you aren’t.”

Sam hesitated. “What do you mean? Are you talking about yesterday? I was just tired.”

“Dean told me.”

Just those three words had Sam’s entire plan falling apart. He was planning on at least being perfectly fine until he got home, so Gabriel wouldn’t know. Then when he did die, Dean could just tell Gabe and Sam wouldn’t need to be there to see his face.

“I’m going to kill him,” Sam said, running a hand over his face.

“He said that you would say something like that,” Gabriel said sighing. “People care about you, Sam. I care. Why do you have to be so selfish about this? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Why didn’t I tell you?” Sam repeated in disbelief. “Maybe because I didn’t want one more person to pity me. Maybe because my immune system is so deep in the shitter that I could die from a cold. Maybe it’s because I’ve lived with this for so long and I know I’m dying and all I wanted was something at least a little normal. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t want people to care when I died.”

“Sam…” Gabriel said.

Sam could tell he was at a loss for words. He wanted to just tell him to forget about the whole thing, but none of this was really something you could just get over. It was silent between the two of them, if only for a moment. The only noise was that stupid cartoon from the 60s playing.

“Is that selfish enough for you?” Sam could hear the shake in his own voice.

His fists were clenched at his sides and he was doing everything he could to not let himself look at him. If he did, he knew he’d cry and he would _not_ do that. He refused to do that.

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s the exact thing that I _didn’t_ want you to say.” Sam sat back down on the unmade bed, rubbing his tired eyes. He was always tired and he hated it more than anything. “Didn’t want anyone to pity me, remember?” He sighed, letting his head drop. “What exactly did he tell you?”

“Cancer, a month left, that was about it.” Gabe took a few steps closer to Sam, but looked like he decided that maybe giving him at least a little space would be better. Sam thanked him silently. “Care to actually tell me a little more?”

“As much as I don’t want to. I know I’ll probably end up having to tell you anyway,” Sam started. He’d told this story probably millions of times at that point. As much as he tried to avoid it, someone always managed to bring it up in conversation after they learned about his: “Acute lymphatic leukemia. Stage four, if you were wondering. Causes crap like shortness of breath, dizzy spells, anemia, enlarged other crap that I’m sure you don’t even really know exist, weight loss, the list goes on.”

“When were you diagnosed?”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Sam mumbled. “I was 21. So, 3 years ago. Funny thing is, not a lot of people my age get it. It’s all little kids and old people. Of course I managed to be one of the exceptions to the rule.”

“I don’t know what else I should ask,” Gabriel said, now avoiding Sam’s eyes.

“Preferably nothing. I’m guessing that Dean wants to leave early now?” Gabe nodded. “How much earlier?”

“By the end of the week. He also said something else, but I guess I was a little in shock. I must’ve not been listening.”

Sam bit on his bottom lip. “Alright then. I’m going to go back to my room. You can think this over. Then try to forget it. Just because you know about this whole dying thing now, please don’t treat me any different. I can handle myself.” With that, Sam left the room. The tension between them was almost unbearable.

Trying to forget about this was the worst idea ever. Gabriel knew he wouldn’t be able to. The man that Gabriel wouldn’t mind staying with- not forever, Gabe didn’t do forever – was dying. Maybe the crazy idea of the spell wasn’t such a child-like idea as he had first thought. Knowing how his life was going, it might as well have been true. Either that or his bad luck when it came to partners is genetic. But he would try to forget about it, for Sam and Sam only.

It was a few hours before he saw Sam again. When the taller man walked into the kitchen, he was wearing a tight black shirt that was clung to his body and pants that were just as tight and were riding low enough to even get the strictest nun to start staring. That might have been purposeful though, just a way of distraction. He’d prefer having Gabriel’s eyes on him in a ‘wow, you’re hot’ kind of way rather than a ‘wow, you’re dying’ kind of way.

“Damn, Moose, that outfit leaves nothing to imagination.”

Sam smiled. Gabe was pretty sure that was the first time today that he did. His eyes naturally went to the dimples. A 24 year old shouldn’t be able to look that adorable and that sexy at the same time. It shouldn’t be allowed. Maybe that’s why God decided to take him away early. ‘Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it’

“I still don’t understand where the nickname ‘Moose’ came from,” Sam said as he leaned against the kitchen island.

“Maybe because you’re hung like one,” Gabe said, as he walked over into Sam’s space and kissed him, which it a hearty laugh from Sam.

“Isn’t the saying ‘hung like a horse’?”

Gabriel nodded, then went back to working on their late breakfast. “Yeah, but the moose thing is about how tall you are, too. What do you want me to say, hung like a Clydesdale?”

“Anything sounds better than Moose.”

“Well, it’s too late. You’re Moose now. My Moose.” Gabriel smiled over at him. “So, I was thinking about something we can do. There’s this club that we should go to. It’s pretty nice and does karaoke on weekdays because it’s less packed then. And there’s this girl I really want you to meet. You two would get along immediately.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Really? What’s her name?”

“Charlie.” Gabriel turned towards him. “Don’t get too excited. One, she likes girls. And two, I do still plan on keeping you to myself. Especially if you want to keep on dressing the way you are.”

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t really thinking about her that way.” Sam glanced at the cat clock that Gabriel had above the oven. “It’s a little early to head out now, don’t you think?”

Gabe looked at the clock as well. It read ‘3:00 p.m.’ He shrugged and looked back at Sam. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. We should head out around 6:30, get there by 6:45, maybe 7, and meet up with Charlie there. Sound good? You can take a nap or something if you’re tired before we head out.”

Sam said not to mention it, and Gabe wasn’t, kind of. But Sam knew loopholes, pre-law student after all. But it was really the look that Sam gave him in return that showed that Gabe had broken the ‘contract’ so to speak.

“Gabriel, I’m pretty much always tired. Me sleeping isn’t really going to make even the smallest difference. But thanks for worrying.”

The last part sounded sarcastic, and it probably was, but Gabe thought it best not to think too much on it. Again, how could you not worry about someone who was dying?

They just spent the next 3 ½ hours lounging around the loft. Sam stayed on one of the love seats, his legs hanging off the left arm of the couch as he flipped through channels. Gabe sat on the couch, that he’d probably need to clean before anybody else came over. If there were any stains, they were pretty invisible, so he could procrastinate on that for a while longer.

Gabriel’s eyes drifted back to Sam. The younger man’s hazel eyes were glued to the screen. Gabe was pretty sure they were watching a documentary about the Salem Witch Trials, but he couldn’t be certain. He couldn’t help but be slightly curious as to why Sam found that kind of stuff interesting. At the same time, it was Sam, after all. You’d mention one thing about ghosts and then the kid would go off on the longest tangent about the things that go bump in the night. Gabe couldn’t help that he found it adorable about how Sam could get so excited about a supposed vampire kill and it’s mummified heart from the 1800’s and how it wasn’t real because, in his words, ‘Why would a wooden stake even work? You could just stab it with a stick and it would be gone. That’s way too easy, don’t you think? You could cut its head off, that would probably keep it down for a while.’

It was adorable, but still really creepy. Gabriel sighed, thinking over the things that they would somehow start talking about.

The time went by quickly. The documentary took up about an hour, and catching a little of a full house marathon took up the rest. It was odd though, they were wasting precious time with each other just watching crap TV, and for some reason Gabriel was still enjoying his time with Sam. Even if it was just spent staring aimlessly at the TV and then glancing at Sam whenever he spoke up or laughed.

But it was nice. Really nice.

 

Gabriel took longer than Sam to get ready. While Gabe was in the shower, Sam looked through his texts. He hadn’t checked it since they arrived. He’d just been distracted. First, he looked over the ones from Jess. She texted him often, and she got easily worried about Sam. But then again, pretty much everybody did. The only difference was that she was already like that with Sam even before she learned about the cancer.

_> >How’s New York treating you?  
>>Got it, too busy with your boy toy. You owe me, I was the one who suggested that you do the whole online friend thing._

Those were from yesterday, he felt bad for not answering. He would have responded right then, but he noticed multiple texts from Castiel, and even more from Dean.

 _> >Sam, it’s Castiel._  
>>Your brother is worried sick about you. You should try calling him.  
>> The only reason why I know he’s worried is because it is currently 3 a.m. your time and he’s calling about your symptoms.  
>> Don’t worry, I’m sure everything is fine. Well, as fine as you were when you left.

Sam didn’t even want to read through the ones from Dean. He was glad he turned his phone off as soon as they got back to the apartment the night before. If he’d hadn’t, his phone would have been ringing the entire night.

“So, ready to go?” Gabriel’s voice pulled Sam out of his thoughts. Gabriel wasn’t wearing anything fancy, just a long sleeved white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of dark jeans.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. How long will it take us to get there?”

“Probably just fifteen minutes.”

Sam had looked it up, ‘Wonderland,’ Gabriel had mentioned it was called. Technically, it should only be a fifteen minute drive, like he had said. Adding the usual New York level of traffic, they made it in a little over thirty minutes.

The line to get in was surprisingly short, thank God. It was probably because of how early it was. By the time they finally got in it was 7:00.

The music was loud and overwhelming, a dubstep remix of a song that Sam probably couldn’t recognize before it was remixed, let alone with all the extra noises added in. It made his head hurt.

Gabriel, however seemed to be enjoying himself. He kept talking to pretty much every person he saw, and then introducing them to Sam, which of course made Sam’s head hurt more. Yes, he had a pretty decent memory, but those were all people that he would never see again and it would be okay for him to forget all of them.

After a while of meeting people, they finally met up with Charlie, who was sitting in a booth, flirting with a waitress. When she turned around and saw Gabriel, she smiled over at them and waved them over.

“So, this is the pretty boy you kept going on about?” she asked, smiling up at Sam.

Gabriel nodded. “Yep, in the flesh!”

“I’m Charlie,” she said reaching for Sam’s hand and shaking it.

He smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“So,” Gabriel said, cutting in. “How about we get the party started! I’ll go get us the drinks. What do you guys want?”

“I don’t drink.” Sam said instinctively. He’d gotten so used to abstaining from anything alcoholic for a while, at that point. “Actually, just get me anything.”

“You just said that you didn’t drink,” Gabriel said as he took out his wallet.

“I don’t drink around Dean.”

“Anyway, back to the ‘just get anything’ thing. You shouldn’t have said that, Sam,” Charlie said as she looked up at him and smiled. “He’s known to order the frilliest drinks of all time for anybody who says that.” She turned towards Gabe. “Just get me a Queen of hearts.” Gabriel nodded and walked over to the bar.

“What even is a Queen of Hearts?” Sam asked as he looked over at Charlie.

Now that he actually had the chance, he looked at her a little more carefully than he had before. had long, bright red hair that she’d just worn down. Her bangs were long enough to sweep to the side. Charlie was wearing a novelty T-shirt that Sam noticed had the Gryffindor coat of arms on it, and a pair of black jeans.

“Pretty much orange juice, cranberry juice, vodka and Campari dressed up to make it look all fancy,” She said smiling. “It basically tastes like when you decide to get a slushy and end up adding all the fruit slushes together.”

“How did you and Gabe end up meeting each other?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“We had a Drama course together. We both minored in it. And since you’re probably going to ask, my major was Computer Programming, at least until I realized I wasn’t a big school person and dropped the class. What did you go to school for?”

“Pre-law,” Sam said, shrugging. “I went to Stanford actually. Ended up leaving for health reasons.”

“What health reasons?” Charlie asked, and before Sam had the chance to make up a quick lie, because he definitely hadn’t meant to mention the last part aloud, Gabriel showed up with their drinks in his hands.

“Okay, so a Queen of Hearts for Charlie, a Pool of Tears for Sam, and a Mad Hatter for me.” He said as he sat the drinks in front of everybody.

Charlie’s drink was completely red, unless you counted the the sugar on the rim of the cocktail glass that it came in. There was a maraschino cherry on the rim of the glass as well, acting as a garnish. Sam’s drink, on the other hand, was a bright blue and in a highball glass.  But Gabriel’s, and that was a sight to see. It was a rich green, in a rocks glass, with whipped cream flowing over the rim and a sticky note that read “10/6” on the side of the glass.

“What are you trying to do, Gabe? Forget the entire night?” Charlie asked as she grabbed her drink and took a sip from it.

Gabriel shrugged. “Not really. I just think it’s good. And if it means I end up stumbling into whatever taxi I end up calling, so be it.”

“What’s in it?” Sam asked, as he grabbed his toxic-blue drink.

“Vodka,” Gabe said, he took a sip of it, which left a whip cream mustache. “And Midori Liquor, sweet and sour, and whipped cream.”

“You have…” Sam started, motioning to where the whipped cream was. “Actually, just let me get it.” He grabbed a napkin and began to wipe it off.”

“Not gonna lie, kiddo. I was kind of hoping you would lick it off.”

“Not drunk enough for that,” Sam said. He smiled over his glass, then took a sip.

‘Note to self,’ Gabriel thought as he looked over at Charlie and Sam where they were dancing, surrounded by hundreds of others. ‘Never ever let Sam drink again.’

Sam had told him to get anything. So, why not get a gin mixed with blue curacao? Gabriel really expect Sam to get a few more. He _especially_ didn’t expect Sam to offer to finish Gabriel’s own drink as well.

Sam was probably already gone after the third drink but he just kept going. If Gabriel was honest with himself, he had kind of wanted to see the younger man drunk, but he hadn’t expected him to be a ‘happy, laughs at everything, and over emotional drunk.’

The three of them had been there for six hours already, and Gabriel hated to be the one to ruin a fun time, but he also knew that they should all probably go now. He walked over to the two of them, through the crowd of sweaty college students and the perverts who liked to spend their nights grinding on someone who probably didn’t want to be grinded on.

“Okay, I think we should leave now,” Gabe said as he put a hand on Sam’s back.

Sam looked down at him. “Why should we?” He asked, his face red.

Gabriel couldn’t tell if it was because of the flashing lights, the heat of the club, or the amount of alcohol in Sam’s system. It was hard to hear each other because of the loud bass. It felt like it was shaking the entire building and made it hard for Gabriel to breath, which probably meant it was worse for Sam.

“We’ve been here for six hours.”

What?”

“Six hours!” Gabe yelled, trying to make his voice louder than the music. He could already feel himself beginning to lose his voice.

“Maybe we should listen to Gabe, Sam!” Charlie shouted. “Wouldn’t want the old man to have a heart attack.”

“I’m 28,” Gabe said. “And we’re leaving.”

It took 10 more minutes of convincing before they finally left the club. It was 5 minutes after that before Charlie’s the cab that Charlie called came around to pick her up, and another 35 minutes after that before Sam and Gabriel made it back to the apartment.

Gabriel managed to lug the moose of a man into his bedroom and onto the bed. Said man had pretty much been giggling and mumbling since they left the club.

When he was about to step out of the room, Sam spoke up. “Why are you leavin’?” he asked as he turned around on the bed so he could actually look at Gabriel.

“Because you’re drunk and I expect you’re going to have a pretty bad hangover tomorrow. I was going to go grab you a glass of water and maybe headache meds.”

“Don’t go…” he slurred. “Besides, I have my own headache things in my bag.”

Gabriel sighed before walking back over to Sam’s bed and sitting on the edge closest to where Sam’s head was. He brushed Sam’s stray hair out of his face and behind his ears. “Don’t worry, kiddo. I won’t.”

It was quiet between them for a few minutes. Just Gabe running his fingers through Sam’s hair, and Sam breathing in and out. Until, Sam spoke, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“I love you.”

Gabriel froze. He was pretty sure his heart skipped a beat or ten as well. “Okay…”

“You’re supposed to say it back,” Sam slurred into his pillow.

“Maybe when you’re a little more sober, kiddo.”


	5. I and Love and You

The last few days of Sam’s trip were mostly spent at the apartment, just enjoying each other’s company. They spent the days on the couch or lounging in bed, only actually leaving to go out to get some food. Sam tried to bring the night back up again. He tried at least once a day but Gabriel always put it off. He didn’t mean to be this clingy, he really didn’t, but he did really love Gabriel and he was sad, even angry, that it wasn’t returned.

Sam looked at the digital clock in the car, biting his bottom lip. It read 5:30 p.m. He wished that Dean could have picked a better time for them to leave. Preferably sometime where they wouldn’t get back home at nine their time and eleven New York Time. The two of them would probably have to deal with jet lag for days.

“Do you really have to leave?” Gabriel asked, as he parked in front of the door. Well, as in front as he could get. They were riding in the same car that Gabe had picked him up in. It was a rented, 2009 silver BMW. He had mentioned that he wanted something better than a minivan but that he could afford to keep for a week or more.

“Believe me, I would love to stay,” Sam said as he climbed out of the car, after he grabbed his duffels from the back seat.

Gabriel got out of the car as well and leaned against the passenger side door. “Don’t forget to call, moose. See you soon, hopefully.”

Sam sighed. He thought that maybe he should say it just plain and simple. Maybe if he wasn’t drunk and not just hinting at it, Gabriel would actually get the picture. “I love you…”

“Yeah, okay.”

Sam felt his spirits drop ‘Bad idea, Sam,’ he thought to himself. ‘You know better than to press your luck.’ 

“Right,” Sam scoffed. “I forgot. You don’t say that.”

“I just don’t want either of us to get the wrong idea.”

“Well, maybe it’s a bit too late for that.” Sam said, feeling the tremble in his voice and the small lump beginning to form in his throat. “I’ll call you when we land. Maybe, I don’t know.”

“Sam, wait. I didn’t mean-”

Sam turned and walked into the airport before Gabe could finish the sentence. He knew it would just make it worse. One of them would say something else and then they’d be on even worse terms.

The farther he walked away from that car, the worse he felt, and by the time he met up with Dean at the departure lounge, he was having trouble swallowing because of how bad the lump in his throat had gotten. Hell, when he sat down next to Dean he might has well been in tears.

“Sammy, you okay?” Dean asked as he put down his phone to get a closer look at Sam. “What? You getting really worked up about me pulling you out early?”

“No, that’s not it,” Sam said, his voice breaking.  “Just a little homesick is all.”

Dean sighed. He could read Sam like an open book and Sam knew that his older brother hated seeing him like this. “You’re a crappy liar, Sam.”

“And you’re crappy at consoling, Dean.” Sam took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down at least a little.

“Did Gabriel tell you about why we’re leaving early?”

Sam shook his head. “No. And I don’t really want to talk about him right now.”

Dean nodded in understanding. “So that’s what this is about. So what, you want me to kick his ass for you? Just like when we were kids?” Sam let out a dry laugh, but didn’t say anything. “I’m trying to help, Sammy. I really am.”

“It’s fine, Dean. Really. Nothing you can do. So, why are we leaving early?”

Dean smiled. “Cas had an idea that might help you out with this whole thing. And apparently it was a pretty good idea because Doctor Mills was on board too.”

Sam perked up and looked over at Dean. “Really? what is it?”

Dean hesitated. “He didn’t tell me that much.”

“Why? He tells you everything. More than he tells me at least.”

“He said it was pretty risky.”

“Pretty risky?” Sam said, and sighed, his hope going down the drain again. “Dean, this is my life we’re talking about here. I don’t want to die and I want something solid, not ‘pretty risky.’”

“I get that, Sam. I really do. But you haven’t been reacting to well to the solid crap, so we might need to try something a little risky right now.”

Sam would have said something else, but the boarding for their flight was announced over the intercoms, which interrupted his thoughts. He wanted to get as far away from New York and DTUT and Wonderland and that smell of acrylics that just lingered lightly in the air of the loft and anything and _everything_ Gabriel Shurley.

Gabriel regretted it as soon as he watched Sam walk away. He could have totally ran over to Sam and said that he loved him more than anything but Gabriel would just be saying it. He wouldn’t feel like he meant it.

Sure, he wouldn’t have minded spending the next few years with Sam. Waking up next to him and being able to see those beautiful hazel eyes every morning, taking care of him, and just be with him. That’s not love though, right? That’s not how he felt with Kali or anybody else he was with, and especially that douchebag that took him and… and…

Gabriel pushed the thought out of his head. He didn’t want to think about it. He never did. The only thing that mattered was that Gabriel trusted Metatron, stuck around for a little longer than he should have and then left.

God, he wanted Sam back already. He wasn’t even half way back to his loft and Gabriel was already feeling the emptiness. Did they just break up? It felt like they just broke up.

Gabe needed a drink. That would make things better. He was never really one to just drink his problems away, but that was definitely what he wanted and needed then.

The plane trip was long and they got back late. Sam missed his bed, and he wanted to sleep more than anything. But no, he couldn’t because Dean was so insistent on the whole ‘We need to save Sam’ thing. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind just dying.

Right after Sam thought that, he took it back immediately. No, he was far too scared of dying. He would like to avoid it as much as he could. He didn’t know why he wanted to avoid it, but since he actually began to understand the whole ‘when you die it’s like a permanent nap that you don’t wake up from’ thing, he hated the idea of it. Now that it felt closer than ever, he hated it even more.

What he was trying to get at, was that he had to go to the hospital instead of going home to sleep, because apparently Castiel had the best idea ever.

But of course, that didn’t mean they got excused from staying in the waiting room for what felt like an hour but was probably even more. He and Dean had looked over every single magazine in the entire hospital, sat in every chair, they even once got bored enough to play with that weird wooden shapes on wire that kids play with before, they got a few weird looks for that.

So now, they just sit in silence. Every once in a while when they’d gone there before, Dean would bring his iPod with him and they would listen to his extensive collection of classic rock.

Castiel called them in and they followed him into the room. Sam looked around at the posters on the walls. He knew them all by heart after all the times he’s been in the hospital room, but he still can’t help but look. It actually kind of reminded him of the millions of pictures that Gabriel had had on his wall. The thought was nice for a few moments but of course the feeling didn’t last and he remembered the terms they had ended on.

“Hello Sam, Dean.” He smiled at both of them as he closed the door behind them. “You know how I called you back early because I’d had a certain idea?”

“That’s a crappy start to what’s supposed to be good news. How about you just get to the point,” Sam said looking over at Cas from the seat he took on the bed.

“What I was thinking of was stem cell transplant. But now that I’ve thought this through a little more, Doctor Mills and I don’t suggest it.”

 “Will it help?” Dean cut in.

“Well, yes but-”

“Then we’re doing it.”

“We would need somebody’s stem cells that are the same type as his. Meaning, in the most likely situation, a sibling.”

 “I’m his sibling, Cas!” Dean yelled, “This isn’t that hard to understand for you, is it? If I can help my brother I will.”

“That’s not where the problem really is, Dean,” Castiel said sadly. “Your mother was diagnosed with chronic lymphatic leukemia when she was in her 30’s correct?” Dean nodded. “She had you when she was twenty-one. When it’s chronic, it takes a long time to mature. So, there is the chance, no matter how small it is, that you might have it as well.”

Dean looked over at Sam. The expression he was making made it look like his entire life was crumbling apart right before his eyes. At the same time, he looked determined to at least try.

“It’s a small chance, right?” Dean said, looking back at Castiel. He nodded. “So we run the tests, see if I’m clean, then we go through with the ‘harvesting of the stem cells’ or whatever you called it.”

“And if you do end up having it?”

“Then you find somebody else. There are a shit ton of donors’ stem cells there, I know. You’ve mentioned it to me before. I’m sure there has to be at least one that is similar to Sam’s.”

The nurse hesitated. “Another small problem… I doubt that you can scrounge the money in time for both of your procedures.”

“What do you mean by that?” Dean asked.

“I mean that your insurance won’t cover stem cell surgery.” He fiddled with the pen in his hand. “It’s just, a lot of insurance companies think it’s more an experiment than a cure. I’m sorry.”

Sam was about to say that it was fine, and he understood completely, but Dean spoke louder so he doubted Castiel would’ve been able to hear him.

“You’re supposed to be the one with the good news, Cas!” Dean blurted out. “You’re the one who always tells us that everything is okay and now you’re saying that I could be dying and we don’t have anything to pay for the stem cell transplant for Sam!”

“I never said that you were dying,” Castiel said, looking down at his clipboard, avoiding both of their gazes. “And if you do have anything, it would most likely be chronic and you can live longer with-”

“I don’t care!” Dean yelled, standing up out of his chair. “We’ve known you for forever. You’re basically like a brother to us and you don’t seem to care what happens to us if we can’t pay for it. What the hell happened to you, Cas?”

“I’m being professional,” Castiel said, glaring up at Dean. “If you haven’t noticed I haven’t been doing that very often. So I’m just trying to not lose my job.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, to calm himself down, before he looked over at Sam and began to speak again. “The stem cell transplant is around 100,00 dollars on its own. Then the chemo that we would need to put you through to kill as many cancer cells as we can before the stem cell transplant, it could be anywhere in the 900 to 10,000 dollars price range. I can suggest a few different insurance plans to you if you would like.”

“We just need some time if that’s okay,” Sam said, looking at Castiel sympathetically. It was always bad to be the target of Dean’s anger, especially if it had been pent up for a while, it had been for roughly about a year at that point.

Cas nodded and got up out of his chair. “Alright. I’ll be back shortly and we’ll try to work all of this out, alright?”

Sam nodded and offered him a small smile before the nurse got up and left the room. He closed the door behind himslef because he knew how much the two brothers like privacy.

Dean huffed and ran his hands through his short cropped hair. “This blows. We tried so hard and…” He sighed again.

“It’s fine, Dean. Really. Maybe you can try and convince your boss to add a little more to the whole health insurance thing.”

“You kidding me?” He looked at Sam. “I can’t convince Alastair to do anything. Maybe we could try calling Bobby.”

“Wouldn’t want to burden him with this,” Sam said as he began to fiddle with his sleeves. He hadn’t even spoken to Bobby since he left for Stanford. Yeah, he missed the old drunk and he was the closest thing they had to a father, but he didn’t know about the dying thing either. Few people did. “Besides, I doubt he has the money for it.”

“Maybe you could call your rich boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend and he’s not rich,” Sam replied quickly as he got up from the bed.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Who’s the coat that you’re wearing from, then?”

Sam looked down. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been wearing it the entire time. The warm material felt more like a security blanket now than just a coat that Gabriel had bought him.

“It’s from Gabe. And it was just bought at some street vendor. He couldn’t even pay for our drinks when we went out.”

“Wait?” Dean started. “What drinks?”

Gabriel wasn’t entirely sure how many he’d had by now. The only thing he did know was that it had been a few days since Sam left.

Maybe it was less… or maybe it was more. You know what? He didn’t know how many days it had been since Sam left. He wanted to believe that he didn’t care at all and that he was having the best damn time without the weight of an ‘I love you’ being carried around 24/7. But he just couldn’t. He really, _really_ couldn’t.

‘I don’t even know what shot this is…’ Gabriel thought to himself as he poured another drink down his throat. He hated the taste, not even near as sweet as the things he usually got. He _could_ just try to get drunk on better tasting things, but it was what the bartender suggested. She mentioned it was usually what people get who’d just had their heart broken. Gabriel reassured her that his heart hadn’t been broken any time recently but to hit him up with a double anyway.

“You’re not looking too good, kiddo.” The bartender said.

Her dark hair was shoulder length and wavy. She was wearing a green tank top and had dark sunglasses on.

“How would you know, with those sunglasses on?” Gabriel retorted, as he sat the shot glass upside down on the bar table.

“It’s more of a second sight sort of thing,” She said as she lifted up the glasses, revealing these pearl-like eyes.

‘Oh.’ Gabriel thought. ‘She’s blind. You just insulted a blind person. Good job’

She put the glasses back down. “I run the place and I know it like the back of my hand. I’m legally, almost entirely, blind.  The contacts are mostly just for scare factor. I can see if I try hard enough. The only reason why I’m actually running the bar and not sitting in my office is because it’s a slow night already. I’m Pamela, by the way.” She grabbed another cup and began to poor hard liquor into it. “Like I said before, you’re not looking too good. Bad vibes and all.” She slid him the glass.

“And I’m guessing you want me to tell you?” He took the glass in his hand.

“That’s what bartenders are for, right?” she smirked.

Gabriel sighed and downed that drink before speaking. “I had this friend who stayed over for the last week. In the short time he was there that whole friend thing turned into something a little bit more. But, I’m friggin’ terrified of commitment and this guy wants me to do the whole commitment thing,” he slurred.

“I really like him, it’s just I’m not entirely sure it’s like that.”

Pamela raised an eyebrow. “What? Is that it?”

Gabriel looked up at her. “What do you mean is that it?”

“Well,” she shrugged, “I expected something worse. Like a break-up or death or something.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and was tempted to mention the death part, but decided against it. He’d just met her and he didn’t need to tell her anything. “Never mind,” he sighed. “So, how much do I owe?”

“It’s on the house,” she smiled sweetly. “And you should probably call the guy.”

He thought about that as he left the bar. Maybe he would call Sam. It wouldn’t be the first time since Sam left, anyway. Gabriel’s brain felt fuzzy and he was sure that if he did call Sam, whatever he’d say wouldn’t really make sense to a sober person and he would probably forget what he’d said by the time he went to sleep.

It took a week of hustling every person at the bar out of everything in their pockets, a lot of pawn shops, and even begging Doctor Mills to let them go through with the procedure, even though they barely had half of what they needed.

The work still felt like it was all in vain though, considering that Sam would still have to spend most of his nights in the hospital, having to go through the chemo every other day, and all of it at the off chance that he _might_ be able to be cured.

Chemotherapy barely worked on Sam the first time they tried it on him, back when he was 22. So of course, this time around they doubled the amount he had to get. He winced as Castiel inserted the cannula in his arm.

“Sorry. It might be a little worse than before. We need to get rid of as many cells as we can before-”

“We know the drill, Cas.” Dean said from his seat next to Sam. “We went over it more than enough times.”

The nurse sighed. “I know. I’m just giving Sam a warning. The side effects might be more intense than last time.”

“You say ‘might’ a lot,” Sam commented then sighed. “God, I feel like I can taste it…”

“A lot of people in a medical practice say ‘might’ a lot,” Castiel answered then looked over at Dean. “Your results should be in by tomorrow.”

The doctors at Edlund Medical Center had decided against letting Dean be the one to donate his stem cells. It was a risk that none of them were willing to take. Of course Castiel had still managed to convince them to take tests on Dean. Just in case they did have a reason to.

“Great.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Going to learn if I’m going to live or die tomorrow. That’s fantastic.”

“There is no need to be sarcastic,” said Cas as he stood up from his seat and looked over his clipboard. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go check on another patient.”

Once the nurse had left, Sam looked over at Dean, trying not to show how uncomfortable he was feeling on his face. “Dude, he’s trying his hardest. All of them are.”

“Well, that hasn’t made a difference so far has it?”

“Try looking on the bright side here. I have A.L.L, right?” Dean nodded. “That spreads pretty quickly. If I hadn’t started coming here, I would’ve been dead in a few months.”

“That doesn’t change anything, Sammy,” Dean replied harshly

“Actually, Dean. It kind of does.” Sam shifted in his seat, being careful not to move the arm that had the huge needle in it. “We’re close to the end of this. I can actually kind of see a light at the end of the tunnel here,” he said smiling a little. Truthfully, he didn’t. Didn’t at all. But he needed to keep a happy face on, at least for Dean. He wants to believe he can make it through, and he thought he could a little. But it wasn’t not exactly ‘I can see the light’ level. It’s more ‘I can see a light and I’m not sure if it is heaven or we’re almost done.’

Dean sighed and ran his hands over his face. “Whatever. I’m going to go grab some food from downstairs.” He got up from his seat. “Anything I can get you?”

“I’m not too hungry,” Sam said. “But can you pass me my phone? It was ringing earlier and I couldn’t get to it.” Dean nodded and tossed Sam his phone.

“I might not head back up. It’s getting kind of late so they’re going to start kicking guests out. See you tomorrow?”

Sam sighed. “Don’t say it like a question. It’s not like I have a choice that you bouncing your leg up nervously while you sit next to my bed is what I wake up to whenever I’m here overnight.” He began looking through his messages. “You should try and get some rest, Dean. Really. I don’t want you ending up in here because you fell asleep driving.”

“I’d never do that. If I did I’d end up totaling Baby and that’s something I will _never_ do.” Dean smiled at his little brother as he left the room.

Sam looked through his messages, noticing that all of them were from Gabriel. They spanned from the day after he’d left to just a few hours ago.

He decided to listen to the most recent one, and was very surprised by what he heard.

 _“Hi, Sam. I know you don’t usually drink and I’d just like to say I’m probably drunk enough for the both of us now.”_ Gabe hiccupped. _“Just wanted to say that I’m sorry for being a dick. And you haven’t said anything to me in days. No texts, no calls, you’re not even on skype and I’m freaking out. I’m worried. Miss you, call me back. Please. Even if it’s just to say that I’m an idiot. I just need to know you’re okay.”_

Gabe imagined that this was probably pretty similar to trying to talk to somebody through a one way mirror. You could be yelling as loud as you could and knocking on the glass, but you wouldn’t exactly know if they were even in the room unless they responded. And so far, Sam hasn’t answered.

Gabriel kept his phone by his side after he tried calling Sam again, just on the off chance that Sam would call back. His head hurt now and he was a little more sobered up than earlier, but Gabriel still wouldn’t be too surprised if he ended up saying something stupid.

When his phone did begin ringing, though, Gabriel picked it up immediately and was greeted by a simple ‘you’re stupid’ from Sam’s voice.

God, he missed that voice.

Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief before he began to speak. “Nice to hear you again, kiddo. It’s nice to know that you’re still okay.”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Other than the huge cannula, pumping chemotherapy drugs and the stem cells of someone I don’t know into my arm.” He sighed. “It’s good to hear you again too. I missed you.”

“Missed you too.” Gabriel couldn’t hide the smile on his face. He knew he looked like an idiot, but the fact that Sam couldn’t see him made his insane smile a little less embarrassing. “So, I’m sorry for being the biggest douchebag in the world.”

“And I’m sorry for overreacting,” Sam sighed. “It’s just-”

“You don’t need to explain anything, Sam. It’s fine.”

“No it’s not, Gabe. I heard the message. I was over emotional and I scared the crap out of you because I never responded.”

“Don’t blame yourself for any of this, okay?” Gabriel requested. Sam huffed an okay in reply. “So, you’re back on chemo. Is that a good thing?”

Sam sighed. “Yes and no. It’s high-dose now. And I’m taking this at the same time that I’m doing a stem cell transplant thing.”

“Stem cell transplant?” Gabriel asked. “Isn’t that kind of experimental?”

Sam scoffed. “My insurance thinks it is. But no, the doctors said it should work.”

It was silent between them for a few moments. It was weird, considering that they were on the phone and neither of them were entirely sure if the other was still there.

“You still there?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’m still here. Can’t get rid of me that easily, as you can tell.”

Sam laughed breathily. “Yeah. I know.” He sighed. “Can I ask you a serious question?”

Gabriel hesitated. “Sure, go for it.”

“Do you think that would be the last time I’d see you?”

Gabriel’s world froze momentarily. He had almost forgotten that Sam might actually not make it through the month. It was just, the younger man was always so full of life when he saw him, with those hazel eyes sparkling and that amazing smile. What if that _was_ the last time they would see each other?

No, Gabriel refused to believe that. He would see Sam again, alive and at least a little well, even if it was the last thing he did. “Absolutely not,” Gabriel finally answered. “How does Friday sound? I’m sure I can be there by then. It can be like a late Valentine’s Day present.”

“Valentine’s day?” Sam said, confused. “What’s today’s date?”                

“It’s the sixteenth.” Gabriel said after checking a calendar. “If you lost track of time, I totally understand. I didn’t even know it was Valentine’s a few days ago until I went into a store and I saw a bunch of guys buying flowers.”

Sam laughed. “I bet they all forgot it was Valentine’s Day too.”

“I wouldn’t have forgotten if you were still here,” Gabriel said wistfully. “I’d probably end up going all out though. Maybe I could send some to you. Flowers, chocolate. The whole nine yards.”

“Hate to break it to you, but with this whole ‘chemo thing’ I can catch pretty much everything now. More than I could before. So no flowers, I can’t remember why, but apparently it’s a thing.”

“Okay, what about the chocolates then?”

“Another thing, they don’t really have a very trustworthy mail service here. Yeah, Edlunds is pretty nice with the care they give, their food and other stuff like that, but mail is hell. Besides, you have to be on a certain list if you’re not family. And you’re not on that list. What am I supposed to tell them? ‘Oh, the crap ton of flowers and other things that I can’t have in my room or eat, were sent in as a late Valentine’s Day thing from my almost, kind of boyfriend.’”

“Almost, kind of boyfriend?”

“Almost, kind of boyfriend.”

“Maybe ‘almost kind of boyfriend’ will be our always.”

Sam scoffed, but Gabe could hear the smile in his voice. “Jesus Christ, Gabe. You know I hate that movie…”

“What about the book?”

“It’s worse.”

“Why?” Gabriel asked.

“Because it’s about kids with cancer and it’s a little too close to home for my liking.” Sam sighed. “I have to go. I finally get the cannula out of my arm, of course, now that it’s been hours, and I know I’ll be out like a light as soon as everything else is settled.”

“If you say so. And I wasn’t lying about hopefully being to come by Friday. So, see you then?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Gabriel was packing when he heard his laptop make that all too familiar skype noise. Good he’d planned on packing it last. He checked who the message was from – Sam of course – and all it read was: _‘I need to talk to you.’_

That was never a good sign. He responded quickly. _‘What’s wrong?’_

_‘Just answer the damn video call.’_

He was about to respond with that fact that Sam hadn’t sent anything yet, but his ears were met with the ring. He answered quickly and was greeted with Sam’s face.

Sam’s hair looked like he had been tossing and turning all night. He had dark circles underneath his eyes. Gabe understood that part though. Sam had mentioned that no matter how much he tried to sleep, he would always wake up still tired. Sam wore a loose fitting grey Stanford T-shirt.

“What time is it where you are?” Gabriel asked.

“It’s 3 a.m. You?”

“Its 5,” Gabriel answered. “You don’t look too good, kiddo.”

“Don’t feel it either,” Sam said, sighing as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. Gabriel looked closer and could see the faint lines of tears on the younger man’s face before he wiped them away. “Just a bad day.”

“How bad are we talking here?”

“Like I just learned that so far the chemo is changing nothing other than the side effects. I’m Just as sick as before. Just with my hair falling out and I’m extremely nauseas.” He bit his bottom lip and fiddled with his hands. “And apparently Dean is pretty sick too. But his is chronic. Early stages, but still.”

Sam’s voice shook. “And I’m realizing that I might not wake up tomorrow and I’m more scared than I’ve ever been before. Hell, I’m fucking terrified,” Tears started spilling over again. “You know I love you, right? I want to say a little more than that but I don’t want to scare you away again. But I really, really love you.”

What was he supposed to say? ‘I have a crippling fear of commitment but I like you a lot too and will you marry me even though we’ll probably divorce in a few years due to said fear?’

Gabriel sighed. Knowing himself, that would probably be what he’d end up saying. He hated himself for that. All he wanted to do was run up to Sam and say that he loved him. Because he did. More than anything. He loved him.

“You’re not going to die, Sam,” Gabriel ended up saying.

Sam scoffed. “Yeah I am. If it’s not from this, then it’s going to be something else. It’s inevitable.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll probably see you before you die.”

Smooth, Gabriel. Really smooth. _Probably_ was the worst word to use. Sam already had tears streaming down his face, his hands were shaking and he could barely breathe, and Gabe still went on to basically say: ‘Well on the bright side, you’re not dead yet and shouldn’t be for a day or two’

Sam shook his head in disbelief and rubbed at his eyes, attempting to wipe away the tears on his face. “You know what? It’s really late. I think I’m going to just go to sleep.” He took a shaky breath. “You should get to sleep now too. Plane flight and all. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Okay. See you then.”

Sam didn’t exactly know where the anxiety from last night came from. Maybe it was a side effect of the cancer drugs. He’d have to ask Cas, Lisa, or Doctor Mills. Gabriel was supposed to arrive in a few hours, and Sam was a little more excited than he’d like to admit. He couldn’t hide the smile that was on his face, Dean had noticed that when they were having breakfast together.

“Dude, what’s up with the smile? It’s nice that you’re happy and all, but now it’s getting kind of creepy,” he said while they sat in the cafeteria, surrounded by hundreds of other families visiting their sick or hurt relatives.

“There’s nothing wrong with smiling,” Sam said as he took a bite of his breakfast.

“Well, no, there _isn’t_ anything wrong with smiling. But it’s just not something you’ve done a lot of recently. Tell me the truth, is it a boy?” Dean meant it jokingly, but Sam smiled even wider.

“Yes, actually. It is.”

Dean thought about it for a few seconds, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “You mean Gabriel Shurley?” he asked disbelievingly. “The guy that you didn’t even want to think about, less than a week ago.” Sam nodded. “Jesus Christ, dude. You’re like a teenage girl who found a flower on the ground. ‘He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…’”

“Well, you’re no better,” Sam said scoffing. “Everybody in this hospital has seen how you and Castiel stare at each other.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t swing that way. 99% sure of that.”

“Whatever you say, Dean.” Sam took the last few bites of the cereal that he’d gotten and stood up. “And I know that as soon as I leave this table, you’re going to go bother him at the nurses’ station near my room.”

“I don’t do that,” Dean said, scoffing as he began to finish his food as well.

“Yeah you do. Everybody knows it. We all see that whenever I manage to get you to leave my room, you always go to the nurses’ station then talk to Cas about whatever. One of the people who roomed next to me for a few days mentioned it. I think his name was Ash… Either way, I know.”

“He’s a friend,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Friends talk. Speaking of which, when was the last time you even talked to yours?” 

It had been a while, hadn’t it? Sam was pretty sure he hasn’t even spoken to anyone from Stanford in years. He originally had a reason for it, but he was really starting to miss them.

Once he got back to his room, he texted Jessica, asking her if she wanted to visit. He didn’t get a response at first, but that wasn’t too surprising. She was really busy lately, he knew that much.

He didn’t know if she’d even seen the text until he heard a: “Hey, handsome,” from a girl’s voice near the door of his room.

Sam looked up and smiled once he saw that it was Jess. She was actually carrying enough balloons to look like she’d fly away at any second.

“Hey, Jess,” Sam said smiling at her from his spot on the bed. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, too long of a while. Everybody misses you. Hence the balloons. Speaking of which, where can I put these?”

“Uh, over there is good,” Sam said, as he motioned to the table at the other side of the room.

She sat them down, then walked over to sit in the chair by his bed. “You can’t solve everything by just removing yourself from every body’s life you know. We all still miss you.”

Sam smiled. “That’s nice of you guys. But I guess it was just easier on me.”

Jess sighed. “Not to mention that none of us have even seen a picture of this mystery man that I accidentally set you up with.”

“I owe you for that by the way,” Sam said, as he took out his phone. “I only have one picture with him and it’s because one of his friends emailed it to me.”

“Well, I can imagine you must’ve been a little too distracted with your new mister to take pictures.”

He laughed. “Whatever you want to think, Jess.” He found the picture and showed it to her. It was of when they were at Wonderland and it was before he was absolutely wasted. It was a picture of them smiling, Gabriel’s smile looking more like a smirk. They both had their drinks in their hands and Sam’s arm was wrapped around the older man’s shoulder.

“So that’s the guy you skipped town for,” Jess said, raising an eyebrow. “Well, you two look cute together. Not to mention that he looks your type.”

“What? Blonde and shorter than me?”

“Not my fault that you have a _large_ range of people you’re attracted to. Like Brady, and me”

Sam sighed. “Well, you two are dating now, so why do you sound so jealous?”

“I’m not jealous,” she said, as she got off of the bed. “It’s been good seeing you.”

“You’re leaving already?”

“Well, your chemo thing starts in a few minutes. They told me I wouldn’t be able to stay for that. Besides, I promised Cassie I would help her with her journalism thing.” She kissed him on the forehead. “Bye, Sam.”

“See ya.”

Sam was sleeping when Gabriel walked into the room. Gabe really didn’t want to wake him up, so he just sat beside him. The flight was absolute crap and he was giddy the whole way there. He wasn’t entirely sure if the giddiness was from excitement or the fact that he got a call from Dean right when the flight attendants told everyone to turn their phones off.

But everything was fine, as fine as it could be. Sam was alive and seemed to be doing a lot better than he had been the last time they spoke. Just looking at him made all the fears of earlier wash away. The rise and fall of Sam’s, the sound of his breathing. Gabriel couldn’t help but smile. He loved the kid. He really did. He was absolutely fine with saying that now, but at the same time, the word still made his heart beat faster and his palms get sweaty. Maybe it was just how love was supposed to feel. Or it could be Gabriel panicking about something happening to Sam or Gabe messing it all up somehow.

Music was playing quietly, but still managing to fill the room.

_Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in. Are you aware the shape I’m in? My hands they shake my head it spins. Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in._

Gabriel hadn’t heard the song before, but it sounded kind of nice. Not really his style though. It was just kind of slow, meaningful, it told a lovely story, and it just sounded so much like Sam.

“Excuse me, sir?” A man in blue-green scrubs walked in, a clip board in hand. “You’re Gabriel, correct?” He nodded, and looked down at the man’s name plate. ‘Castiel Novak’ it read. “I’m sorry to say, but visiting hours are over. But you can come back at seven in the morning. At least that’s when Dean usually comes in. You should know him if you know Sam.”

Gabriel scoffed. “How could I not? He’s pretty much the kid’s guard dog.”

The nurse laughed fondly, looking down at the ground. “I suppose he is a little protective, isn’t he?” He looked back up at him. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Gabriel. But you do need to leave now.”

Gabriel nodded. “Don’t worry, I get the picture. Tell Sam that I came around when he wakes up, alright? I want to tell him something that I’m pretty sure he’d like to hear.”

As Gabe left the room, the music slowly began to draw to a close.

_Dumbed down and numbed by time and age. Your dreams to catch the world, the cage. The highway sets the traveler's stage. All exits look the same. Three words that became hard to say,_

_I and love and you._


	6. We Might be Dead by Tomorrow

Sam woke up to the sound of a family crying a few rooms over. It was probably the worst part about staying in the hospital. People kept dying around you whether it was from a disease or some accident they’d been in.

He sighed. He hated being here. He hated the fact that he had to get a cannula shoved in his vein for hours at a time, he hated the fact that he was nauseous and his hair was falling out, and he especially hated the way people looked at him when he, or someone else mentioned that he was very sick.

“Good to see you awake, kiddo,” Gabriel said, as he walked into the room.

Sam smiled up at him from where he sat cross-legged on his bed. So far, this was the only good part of being sick.

“Good to see you too.” Sam couldn’t stop smiling, even if he wanted to. “Sorry about last night. I tried to stay awake, but you came a little late and I just couldn’t-”

“It’s fine, Moose,” Gabriel said, as he took a few steps into the room. “Really. You’re tired. I get it. Well, I kind of get it.” He walked over to Sam and sat on the edge of the bed. “Honestly, I was expecting you to be in one of those gown things. Especially considering that you have the legs to pull it off.”

Sam laughed then looked down. He was just wearing a pair of black basketball shorts and a black, Beatles, Abbey Road t-shirt. “Yeah, well, I wanted to have a little dignity while I’m dying. So, I made Dean go back home and grab some of my things the day after I got here.”

“You’re not dying,” Gabriel said quickly. “Not going to happen.”

“I thought we already had this whole talk, Gabe,” Sam said, sighing, looking down to avoid eye contact.

“Okay, let me rephrase it then. You can’t rid of me and I’m going to stick with you until you die.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “And what if that happens sooner rather than later?”

Gabriel sighed, running a hand over his face. “Jesus, kiddo. Stop with the moping. I get that you’re in a hospital and it’s kind of hard not to feel crappy, but still. C’mon, look on the bright side.” He lay down on the bed then motioned for Sam to lay down next to him.

The bed felt too small for them both to fit comfortably, but they managed. Sam was lying on his side, looking at Gabriel, his head propped up with one of his hands. Gabe was on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

“C’mon, let’s plan our futures. I always thought it was kind of fun to do this. Gives you something to look forward to.”

Sam scoffed. “What happened to Mr. ‘I don’t do commitment’?”

Gabriel glanced over at Sam. “There’s always at least one exception to the rule, Sam. And you just happen to be that one.”

Sam hesitated. “You mean that?” he finally said.

“Course I do, Samsquatch,” Gabe said, and then turned his attention back to the ceiling. “So, what should we start with?”

Sam looked up at the ceiling as well. The grainy looking white ceiling very familiar, considering he’d been there so many times. Knowing Gabe, Sam was sure that he was thinking something like ‘If I had some paint I’d probably draw everything out on there.’

“How about ‘what happens if I get out of here?’”

“When,” Gabriel interjected. “So, you get out of here. All good, no problems whatsoever. Then maybe I move here.”

“I feel like you wouldn’t like California too much,” Sam cut in.

“Well, I’m sure Dean wouldn’t want you to leave him all alone. Especially considering he’s pretty sick too.”

“I thought we were imagining our future,” he said, looking back at Gabriel. “You said no problems. That means Dean would be okay too.”

Gabriel sighed. “Okay… But I still think California is a little better. Maybe we could move somewhere else. Like, together. How does Hawaii sound?”

Sam gave him a look, earning himself a laugh. “Hey, go big or go home right?” He thought about it for a few more seconds. “So, let’s just cross a few options out. No Bible Belt, no Cali, and no New York.”

“Somewhere with seasons,” Sam said.

“Okay, Florida and pretty much the entire south are crossed off.” Gabriel held up ten fingers. “So, we’re down to ten states. Which one’s your pick?”

“Who said we need to stick to America?” Sam said pointedly, smiling again.

Gabriel dropped his hands and looked back over at Sam. “I like the way you think, kiddo.” He turned on his side so that faced Sam. “Name a few countries that you think are pretty nice.”

“Okay…” Sam started. “France, Canada, Spain, maybe Germany-”

“Oh no,” Gabriel cut in. “Not that one.”

Sam looked at him confusedly. “Why not? It’s a pretty nice country.”

“Germany only does civil unions. It’s like, I don’t want to civil union you. I want to marry you.”

Sam was silent for a few seconds. “Are…are you… proposing to me?”

Gabriel smiled. “Just might be, if that’s fine with you.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah… it’s more than fine,” he laughed. “Just didn’t think you’d want to deal with me forever.”

“Well, I’m definitely up to the challenge, Sam.” Gabriel turned so that he was lying on his back and looking at the ceiling again. “Maybe we should stay in the states.”

“How are you acting so nonchalant about the fact that you just kind of proposed to me?” Sam couldn’t help but ask. Honestly, if he wouldn’t pass out after just walking down a flight of stairs, he’d be doing victory laps around the hospital.

“That was definitely a proposal. I planned it on the way here. Not enough money for a ring though.” He glanced over at him. “Would you accept a Ring Pop?”

Sam laughed. “Are you being serious?”

“If by serious you mean that I already bought the Ring Pop I was going to propose to you with, then, yeah. I am pretty serious.”

“You’re an idiot.” Sam smiled fondly at him before leaning over Gabriel and kissing him.

“Easy, Tiger,” Gabriel said, smiling up at him. “You’re connected to a heart monitor. Wouldn’t want a team of doctors to walk in on this now, would we?”

Sam shook his head. “Guess not.” He sighed and moved so that now he lay on his back as well. “So, we left off at deciding to stay in the US.”

Gabe nodded. “Yeah, until I was so rudely interrupted,” he said jokingly. “Anyway. So, we don’t know which state we’re going to live in. Let’s move on to what kind of house.”

“A huge house, with a backyard and a crap ton of rooms.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Gabriel agreed. “Maybe somewhere kind of in the middle of nowhere. It could be really forest-y and the backyard would be huge.”

“Can we get a dog?”

“Why the hell wouldn’t we?” Gabe said excitedly. “How does a German Sheppard sound?”

“I’ve always wanted one of those.”

“Awesome. German Sheppard it is.” It was quiet between them for a few seconds.

Sam looked over at Gabriel. It was hard to tell what the older man was thinking. Sometimes he wanted to just see what was in that brain of his. To see exactly how he ticked and why he did what he did. And if not that, Sam at least wanted to know what he was thinking in that moment.

“What about kids?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Sam started to panic when Gabriel didn’t respond. Maybe he was pushing this ‘future’ thing a little too far. Gabe had just now become okay with actually being together, after all.

“I don’t think I would really be the dad type.” Gabe said finally. “I mean, I like kids; kids like me, to an extent. But I’d be absolute crap at taking care of something for more than a few minutes, though”

Sam wanted to add something, but he was starting to realize just how fast they were getting into their relationship. Time was what he needed. A lot of it. Both of them did, so he just dropped the conversation. What he really needed to do first was to get out of there perfectly healthy.

His reality came crashing back down on him with that one thought. Maybe this whole future thing would be a lot harder to reach than he’d been hoping for. All he really could do was focus on right then.

It was the first day of March when Dean pulled Gabriel aside. Gabe had been avoiding the guard dog since arrived. Even more so since Sam started to get worse. Well, better, but still worse. They hadn’t done any huge blood tests on him for a while, just the basic high-dose chemo and stem cell therapy, but the kid’s body wasn’t taking too good to the medicine. Or maybe it was, the things Castiel said meant almost nothing to Gabriel, Even though he was sure they were supposed to. The nurse used so many big words that Gabriel couldn’t quite catch on that Sam would have to explain to him. One of those being alopecia. Sam explained to him that it was just a fancy word for hair loss. It was a very minor case, and apparently Sam had gone through it before, but it still wasn’t something to be happy about.

“Thanks for helping my brother, by the way,” Dean started. “Never really had the chance to say that.”

Gabriel smiled. “Wow, means a lot, coming from you. But I was kind of expecting to get yelled at.”

“No, not planning on yelling. I already did the ‘if you hurt my brother I kill you’ speech.”

“So…” Gabe said. “You never really talk to me. Why are we talking now?”

“Today we’re going to see if the cell therapy actually worked.” Dean paused. “And if it isn’t working as well as everybody is hopes it is…”

Sam dies. Gabriel knew that. And as much as he didn’t want to think about it, it was still a huge possibility. Sam’s way too young to die. He hadn’t really done anything yet.

“Yeah, I know…” Gabriel said, finally responding to Dean’s unfinished statement. He could feel himself starting to get choked up. The all too familiar lump in his throat just wouldn’t go away.

“You know he’s going to want you to stick around, right?” Dean asked.               

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah. And I plan on it. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just, not a lot of people actually do,” Dean sighed. “Sammy tried to push everyone out of his life a while ago, and now that he feels he’s at the end of the race he wants them back in. But all of them kind of moved on and he feels like they don’t even really remember him.”

“He told me about that once.” It was quiet between them for a few seconds, other than the sound of the PA system calling for one of the doctors to go to a room number that Gabriel didn’t recognize. “So, when might we find out?”

“An hour or two…” Dean said, looking down. “So, just try not to bring that up. You know how he’ll get.”

Gabriel nodded and watched Dean walk back down the hallway. He walked into Sam’s room to see him sitting on the bed, reading a huge book with a red hardcover and the title written in gold lettering on the side. Gabe watched as Sam’s eyes went over the page for a few minutes before he actually spoke up.

“What are you reading?” He asked.

“I don’t even really know,” Sam said, sighing as he tossed the book to the side. “I feel like I’ve been staring at the page forever. I just can’t really seem to focus on it.”

“Side effect of the chemo?”

Sam shrugged. “How am I supposed to know? It might be because of stress, the chemo, I might have caught something else just by being in the presence of other sick people. The list is really endless.” He sighed and looked up at Gabriel. “Distract me,” he said.

“Movie sound good?” Sam nodded. “Good, because I brought a crowd favorite all the way from my home in NYC.” Gabriel pulled the case from his coat pocket.

“You brought Rent?” Sam asked.

“Course I did. You still like it, don’t you?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah. It’s a sad movie though.”

“Then we’ll stop it before the sad bit.”

It almost felt like the last time they’d watched it together. They sang along to some parts, laughed at others, and tried to hold back the tears the closer they got to the end. Unlike last time, instead of that comfortable, paint stained, leather couch, they were in a hospital room. Gabriel’s head lay on Sam’s chest and he could feel how difficult pretty much _everything_ had to be for him.

He hated seeing Sam like this.

Sam was the kind of person who would help an old lady across the street and carry her bags for her. The kind of guy who’d buy a kid another ice cream if he’d seen them drop it. He didn’t deserve what he was going through. Somebody that kind and amazing shouldn’t have to go through that much pain.

“I love you, you know that right?” Gabriel said out of the blue. It was the first time he’d actually said it, and not just implied it. He just needed Sam to know.

“Yeah. I mean, you proposed to me with a ring pop that you didn’t even have with you at the time. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

 It was quiet between them for a few moments as the Seasons of Love reprise played. They’d probably stop watching soon considering they both knew that it just went downhill from there.

“You know which character you remind me of from this?” Gabriel asked as he looked over at Sam.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”

“Angel.”

Before Sam had the chance to ask why, Castiel walked into the room, followed by Dean.

“We interrupting something?” Dean asked. Sam knew that he meant it jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a little. They could all tell he was almost as scared of getting the results as Sam was.

“Not at all,” Sam said, as he took hold of Gabriel’s hand.

The younger man’s palms were sweaty and his hands were shaking, just a little.

“So, the results came in,” Castiel began.


	7. Epilogue

The church was pretty much packed with a bunch of people that Gabriel didn’t know. He was shaking, he knew that. He was sure everybody who had actually seen him knew it. Castiel had said that it was going to be okay and that he knew Gabriel could do it. Dean didn’t say anything. He hadn’t even seen Sam’s brother at all that day. Dean was most likely busy with other, more important things.

Gabriel looked at himself in the mirror one more time. He hadn’t slept in what felt like weeks, but was only days. It was similar to when Sam first came around and said that he felt like a kid the night before a field trip. This was different. Gabriel’s hands were shaking, his palms were sweating and the worst part about it was that he knew himself well enough that he knew he was going to cry during the service.

There was a knock on the door, and before Gabriel had the chance to open it himself, the door opened.

“You’re not chickening out on this, are you?” Sam asked, a large smile on his face. Gabriel smiled back.

“Why would I do that? We’ve been planning this for almost 6 months now. Aren’t you not supposed to see me, or something? Bad luck and all?”

“Well, somebody needed to calm you down,” Sam said, walking over to Gabriel and adjusting his fiancé’s tie. “Who better than the man that you’re marrying?”

_The tension in the room could probably be cut with a knife. It was just the way that Castiel said that the results of the test had come in that had everybody freaking out. Gabriel knew he wouldn’t understand anything that the nurse was going to say, he’d never been good at that kind of stuff. He looked over at Sam instead of listening and took hold of his hand. Just in case._

_Castiel smiled, something that Gabriel wasn’t used to. The stoic man began to talk._

_“Sam, as risky as the transplant was, so, far it’s working. Looks like you’re finally in remission.”_

_It took a moment for all of them to register what he had said. When they did, well Gabe wasn’t paying too much attention to Dean, but he definitely saw the smile bloom on Sam’s face. Soon that smile turned into laughter, coming from both of the brothers._

_“You’re not joking, right?” Sam asked._

_“I would never joke about something like this. So, congratulations.”_

_Gabriel was still in shock. He was also trying to remember what remission meant. Either way, it seemed like it was pretty good, considering the brother’s reactions._

_“Look at that, Sam,” Gabe said, smiling at him. “I told you everything would be fine. And have I ever lied to you yet?”_

After that, everything went exactly how they’d planned in that hospital. They ended up staying in the states, but Gabriel had moved to California so he could be with Sam and Dean. He knew that Sam wouldn’t want to move, or at least not until Dean got better.

The good news was, that happened after roughly a year. Then Dean ended up moving in with Castiel.

Gabriel and Sam moved into a pretty big house that felt like they were in the middle of nowhere. The house was so huge that if you just raised your voice a little there would be an echo.

Gabriel took one of the spare rooms as his art studio and he made more painting than he’d ever really made before. Most were of Sam of course, considering he’d had that smile and those beautiful, hazel eyes were the best source of inspiration ever.

Sam went back to Stanford and was doing amazing at that time. They adopted two dogs, a rescue pit bull who they named Collins, and an American cocker spaniel that they named Roger. The two dogs loved to run around the entire house _all_ of the time.

“I just realized something,” Gabriel said, as he leaned against the sinks.

“What?” Sam asked, a small smile playing at his lips.

“I never did tell you why you reminded me so much of Angel.”

“That was three years ago, babe. Do you even remember what you were going to say?”

Gabriel nodded. “Course I do. How could I forget? You know how Angel was the best thing that ever happened to Collins? How she might as well have saved her life?” Sam nodded. “Well, you pretty much saved mine.”

Sam smiled and looked down. Gabriel could tell that the younger, now completely cancer free, man was blushing. “You’re an idiot,” Sam said, that smile not leaving his face.

“Yeah. But I’m the idiot that you’re madly in love with. Now, come on. We can’t be late for our own wedding, can we, Samsquatch?”


End file.
